Adults Say The Darndest Things

For some reason, over the weekend, I starting remembering times when adults said funny things - or sometimes not funny things and I was mulling over how humor is very subjective and situational humor seems to be funnier than just telling jokes. Take these examples:

In high school, I had a friend whose dad had remarried to a MUCH younger woman. The woman got pregnant and my grandma heard about it at church. So I was at grandma's house and the conversation went something like this:

Grandma: Myrtle told me today at church that new wife of John Brown's is pregnant.
Me: Yep.
Grandma: What in the world is John Brown thinking, having another kid at his age? Why I was shocked when I heard it.
Me: So was John. He had a vasectomy years ago.

See - that's funny. Well, maybe not for John, but the expression on grandma's face was priceless.

Then take this one:

At one of my former jobs, I worked for fundamentalist christians - and huge hypocrites. These people most likely thought I was going to hell for having a tattoo and riding a motorcycle, but immediately after forwarding Bible versus to me, they'd ask me to do something like pirate software. Well, one day we were having staff lunch and the subject of the then newly released BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN came up. Of course, the Christians were appalled. So the secretary (who was from up north) decides she's going to try and be funny and says "You know John Wayne was gay too."

Uh, no. Not funny. This is Texas and even the Christians are pretty sure John Wayne is sitting at the right-hand side of God.

My comeback: "You know, saying John Wayne was gay is like saying Billy Graham isn't a Christian."

That's funny. Work at it people.

Then there's those times that are just priceless, like when I worked with this woman who was mega-petite, but nine months pregnant and alllllllllllll stomach. So a new girl started at work and we were standing in the breakroom talking and she asked pregnant girl when she was due. Pregnant girl stared at her with this dirty look and said "what are you talking about?"

Hilarious!

Or if all of you want to try one, and can keep a straight face, use this one on someone today.

Fix your hair up different and as soon as someone says "Your hair looks really good today." Shoot back with "What was wrong with it yesterday?" Then watch them stutter.

Anyone else have a great one-liner or joke they like to play on people?

Deadly DeLeon