Winner!!!!!!! Mariehahn13 is the winner of the $10 gift card. Please email me at christie(at)christie(-)craig.com
Today, I’m reprinting my post that appeared over at: http://www.guiltypleasuresbookreviews.com/ If you haven’t visited that blog, I recommend you do. They have tons of stuff for readers. Also, I’d like to recommend another blog: Love, Laugh, Read Http://Christie-Craig.com/blog This is my new blog. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving Killer Fiction. I love it here, but I’ll be doing posts over there every Tuesday and hosting contests at least once a month. And today, I’ve got it up and running, and I’m holding my very first contest. This is a contest for my readers and fans who have already read Blame it on Texas. I have some trivia questions and I’m giving away three different gift cards to three people who get the answers right. And they are easy questions. So pop over and email me your answers to be entered in my contest. And don’t forget to come back and check out my blog every Tuesday.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
In Blame it on Texas, Tyler Lopez has a smarter-than-her-years, six-year-old niece, Anna, who is always adding her two cents to conversations. And those two cents sometimes make Tyler’s head spin. Kids and those wonderful one liners just flat out make for some funny moments. And anyone who has read my books knows that I love funny moments. Below is just one example of kids being funny in Blame it on Texas.
“Leo’s full of…” Tyler caught himself just in time.
“Full of what?” Anna asked, a half smile pulling at her lips.
Tyler’s gaze shot to the piñata hanging above the tree. “Full of candy.”
Anna snickered. “Mama said he was full of shit.”
Tyler grinned. “Well, like you just said, your mama doesn’t lie. But…we all have…excrement in our insides.”
“Excrement?” He could see the child figuring out the word’s meaning and filing it away in her knowledge-hungry brain. “That’s gross.”
“I agree.” Tyler’s smile came easier.
“Almost as gross as how babies are made,” she said.
That little announcement came out of left field, and Tyler’s jaw fell open.
Ahh, but Tyler isn’t the only one dealing with kids who say inappropriate things in this book. Ellen, my secondary heroine has a daughter, Britney, and she’s always tossing out a few zingers. Then there’s Ricky, Rick’s, my secondary hero’s, son. Let’s face it, anyone who has had kids or been around one very long knows they can say the most embarrassing and sometimes even the most thought-provoking things.
And I speak from experience. Through the years, I’ve written up some of my own kids’ “funny things.” Some of them I’ve actually sold to magazines, others I’ve written up to embarrass them later in life. Hey…paybacks can be hell! So just for fun, I thought I’d share some of my personal, kids-say-the-funniest-things pieces.
Smart, But Not That Smart
Nina, my three-year-old daughter, began learning her letters at a very remarkable age. I must admit to feeling proud when we went to the county fair and stood in front of the soda booth and she started pointing to the Pepsi emblem and naming off the letters. "That's remarkable," a lady replied. "Do you know how to read, too?"
Nina's answer came quick, "Yes." I was too filled with pride to rebuke her claim.
"What does that say?" the lady asked, pointing back to the Pepsi emblem.
Nina smiled and answered with remarkable confidence, "It says, Coke."
So Smart it’s Embarrassing
My three-year-old daughter’s babysitter was pregnant. And my too wise little girl became very curious. When questions came about how the baby got into her babysitter’s tummy, I hit the bookstore to learn how best to explain. The advice was simple and straight forward. Tell them the truth in vague terms, and don’t use cutesy names, just use the real names.
So I sat her down and explained that mommies and daddies got really close. Daddies had sperm and mommies had eggs and the two got together and created a baby.
She accepted the answer and I felt like a wise parent. Unfortunately, my dad, my daughter’s grandfather didn’t agree. You see, the next day he took Nina to a fast food place to meet about five of his other cronies. While all crowded around a table enjoying coffee, my daughter piped up the question. “Grandpa, what color is sperm? Is that how I got my brown hair?”
All Grown Up…Almost
Much to my surprise, my six-year-old daughter came home from first grade talking about college. "I can't wait. It sounds so exciting. I can choose the subjects I like. So you know I'll make all A's. I can make my own schedule. Go to the bathroom anytime I want. The teachers won’t treat me like a kid."
She sounded more seventeen than seven and I was quite proud of my grown-up little girl. Then her young brow wrinkled in puzzlement. She turned to me with real concern in her eyes, "But Mama, will we still get to go out and play at recess?"
One night at dinner, my four-year-old son dropped the last of his pizza on his plate and requested his dessert.
"First you have to finish your dinner," I said.
He glanced down at his pizza crust and innocently replied, "I did. I ate everything but the handle."
He got his dessert.
One day, my son had a friend, eight-year-old Andrew, over to play. My husband and I were taking the boys out for hamburgers when Andrew announced that last weekend he and his family had taken a trip to New Orleans to attend his aunt’s wedding.
Making casual conversation I turned to him and asked, “Was it your mother’s sister or your dad’s sister?”
Little Andrew’s brow crinkled together in thought and then a little embarrassed he admitted, “I’m not really sure.”
It took a few minutes for my husband and I to realize the significance of his ignorance. You see, Andrew is a bi-racial child, his father African-American and his mother White. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all could be so color blind?
I was driving my six-year-old son to school when he popped out with an unusual question. "Mom, are there more girls in the world than there are boys?"
I turned to glance at him. "Well, as a matter of fact, there are more girls than boys.”
"Then that explains it!" he blurts out as if he'd just found an answer to a long-asked question.
"Explains what?" I queried.
"Why everywhere I go, I always notice the girls but I never notice the boys."
Too Much Boy
While having dinner with my husband’s boss and his wife, my three-year-old son didn’t want to eat. My husband told him that mashed potatoes would make him grow big. He not only started eating his potatoes, but in his excited little-boy voice, he said, “My dad has a big Pee-Pee. And when I grow up, I’m going to have a big one, too!”
My husband’s boss simply chuckled and said, “I think I’ll take some more potatoes, too.”
Way Too Much Boy
Once, while getting dressed to take my three-year-old son to Mother’s Day Out, my son came into the room. When I turned around, he was staring at me. “You know, Mom, I like looking at you naked.”
And that was the last time he saw me naked, too!
* * *
Okay…come on, do some sharing. Let me hear some of your kids, grandkids or nieces and nephew’s funny/thought-provoking sayings. And to one lucky commenter I’m giving away a $10 Amazon or B&N gift card. So make sure you leave a comment.