Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Out of the Mouths of Babes







Winner!!!!!!!  Mariehahn13 is the winner of the $10 gift card.  Please email me at christie(at)christie(-)craig.com

Today, I’m reprinting my post that appeared over at:  http://www.guiltypleasuresbookreviews.com/   If you haven’t visited that blog, I recommend you do.  They have tons of stuff for readers. Also, I’d like to recommend another blog:  Love, Laugh, Read   Http://Christie-Craig.com/blog This is my new blog.  Don’t worry, I’m not leaving Killer Fiction.  I love it here, but I’ll be doing posts over there every Tuesday and hosting contests at least once a month.  And today, I’ve got it up and running, and I’m holding my very first contest.  This is a contest for my readers and fans who have already read Blame it on Texas.  I have some trivia questions and I’m giving away three different gift cards to three people who get the answers right. And they are easy questions.  So pop over and email me your answers to be entered in my contest.  And don’t forget to come back and check out my blog every Tuesday.


Out of the Mouths of Babes

In Blame it on Texas, Tyler Lopez has a smarter-than-her-years, six-year-old niece, Anna, who is always adding her two cents to conversations.  And those two cents sometimes make Tyler’s head spin.  Kids and those wonderful one liners just flat out make for some funny moments.  And anyone who has read my books knows that I love funny moments.  Below is just one example of kids being funny in Blame it on Texas.

“Leo’s full of…” Tyler caught himself just in time.
“Full of what?” Anna asked, a half smile pulling at her lips.
Tyler’s gaze shot to the piñata hanging above the tree. “Full of candy.”
Anna snickered. “Mama said he was full of shit.”
Tyler grinned. “Well, like you just said, your mama doesn’t lie. But…we all have…excrement in our insides.”
“Excrement?” He could see the child figuring out the word’s meaning and filing it away in her knowledge-hungry brain. “That’s gross.”
“I agree.” Tyler’s smile came easier.
“Almost as gross as how babies are made,” she said.
That little announcement came out of left field, and Tyler’s jaw fell open.

Ahh, but Tyler isn’t the only one dealing with kids who say inappropriate things in this book. Ellen, my secondary heroine has a daughter, Britney, and she’s always tossing out a few zingers.  Then there’s Ricky, Rick’s, my secondary hero’s, son.  Let’s face it, anyone who has had kids or been around one very long knows they can say the most embarrassing and sometimes even the most thought-provoking things. 

And I speak from experience.  Through the years, I’ve written up some of my own kids’ “funny things.”  Some of them I’ve actually sold to magazines, others I’ve written up to embarrass them later in life. Hey…paybacks can be hell! So just for fun, I thought I’d share some of my personal, kids-say-the-funniest-things pieces.


Smart, But Not That Smart

 Nina, my three-year-old daughter, began learning her letters at a very remarkable age.  I must admit to feeling proud when we went to the county fair and stood in front of the soda booth and she started pointing to the Pepsi emblem and naming off the letters.  "That's remarkable," a lady replied.  "Do you know how to read, too?" 

 Nina's answer came quick, "Yes."   I was too filled with pride to rebuke her claim. 

"What does that say?" the lady asked, pointing back to the Pepsi emblem.

Nina smiled and answered with remarkable confidence, "It says, Coke."


So Smart it’s Embarrassing

My three-year-old daughter’s babysitter was pregnant.  And my too wise little girl became very curious.  When questions came about how the baby got into her babysitter’s tummy, I hit the bookstore to learn how best to explain.  The advice was simple and straight forward.  Tell them the truth in vague terms, and don’t use cutesy names, just use the real names.

So I sat her down and explained that mommies and daddies got really close.  Daddies had sperm and mommies had eggs and the two got together and created a baby.

She accepted the answer and I felt like a wise parent.  Unfortunately, my dad, my daughter’s grandfather didn’t agree.  You see, the next day he took Nina to a fast food place to meet about five of his other cronies.  While all crowded around a table enjoying coffee, my daughter piped up the question. “Grandpa, what color is sperm?  Is that how I got my brown hair?”   


All Grown Up…Almost

Much to my surprise, my six-year-old daughter came home from first grade talking about college.  "I can't wait.  It sounds so exciting.  I can choose the subjects I like.  So you know I'll make all A's.  I can make my own schedule.  Go to the bathroom anytime I want.  The teachers won’t treat me like a kid."

She sounded more seventeen than seven and I was quite proud of my grown-up little girl.  Then her young brow wrinkled in puzzlement.  She turned to me with real concern in her eyes, "But Mama, will we still get to go out and play at recess?"

Handles

One night at dinner, my four-year-old son dropped the last of his pizza on his plate and requested his dessert. 

"First you have to finish your dinner," I said.

He glanced down at his pizza crust and innocently replied, "I did.  I ate everything but the handle."

He got his dessert.

 Color Blindness

One day, my son had a friend, eight-year-old Andrew, over to play.  My husband and I were taking the boys out for hamburgers when Andrew announced that last weekend he and his family had taken a trip to New Orleans to attend his aunt’s wedding.  

Making casual conversation I turned to him and asked, “Was it your mother’s sister or your dad’s sister?”

Little Andrew’s brow crinkled together in thought and then a little embarrassed he admitted, “I’m not really sure.”

It took a few minutes for my husband and I to realize the significance of his ignorance.  You see, Andrew is a bi-racial child, his father African-American and his mother White.  Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all could be so color blind?

All Boy

I was driving my six-year-old son to school when he popped out with an unusual question.  "Mom, are there more girls in the world than there are boys?"

I turned to glance at him.  "Well, as a matter of fact, there are more girls than boys.”

"Then that explains it!" he blurts out as if he'd just found an answer to a long-asked question.

"Explains what?" I queried.

"Why everywhere I go, I always notice the girls but I never notice the boys."

Too Much Boy

While having dinner with my husband’s boss and his wife, my three-year-old son didn’t want to eat. My husband told him that mashed potatoes would make him grow big.  He not only started eating his potatoes, but in his excited little-boy voice, he said, “My dad has a big Pee-Pee.  And when I grow up, I’m going to have a big one, too!”

My husband’s boss simply chuckled and said, “I think I’ll take some more potatoes, too.”

Way Too Much Boy

Once, while getting dressed to take my three-year-old son to Mother’s Day Out, my son came into the room.  When I turned around, he was staring at me.  “You know, Mom, I like looking at you naked.”

And that was the last time he saw me naked, too!

*  *  *
Okay…come on, do some sharing.  Let me hear some of your kids, grandkids or nieces and nephew’s funny/thought-provoking sayings.  And to one lucky commenter I’m giving away a $10 Amazon or B&N gift card.  So make sure you leave a comment. 

CC

12 comments:

Pamela said...

Thank you for getting a smile on my face before I have to face the work world today. Your kids are hilarious and awesome. :)

My story is not no much what was said, but - well let me tell it.

In my beginning years of living on my own, my parents would visit me on a regular basis, and I would always stress. Is everything right and in place?

Lo and behold, one time they visited, I was out of toilet paper. Embarrassing, but I it eventually slipped my mind.

Fast forward to the next visit - Christmas. It was gift wrapped, and I don't think I ever laughed so hard in my life.

Pam

Cheryl said...

Love your stories.

I was home with my 2 year old daughter and 6 month old son. My parents had gone on vacation and I was waiting for them to call and let me know they had made it to their destination (this was before cell phones). Of course when my mom called it was in the middle of my daughter being in the throes of a terrible-twos tantrum. I couldn't hear my mom on the phone very well and I told my daughter to quiet down, she was being obnoxious. My daughter's response? A very indignant "I'm not obnoxious, I'm Amber". I couldn't stop laughing for quite some time.

brbalways said...

With my kids being 'stairsteps' we often played games while riding in the car to entertain. These games were often educational *winks* So one day when they were around the ages of 3, 4 & 5 I was throwing out random math problems.

Like...if you have 2 houses and 4 cars how many to you have? And I would get someone popping up with 6. And if you have 1 tree and 6 bushes, how many? Another would pop back with 7. This would go on for a bit with one or more throwing back the answers.

But when I threw out the question...if you have 6 dogs and 5 dogs, how many do you have? I got a loud chorus of "TOO MANY!!" from the back seat. LOL

petite said...

Love this post. Wise beyond their years for sure. My sweet 3 year old nephew was going to have a nap but balked at lying down with my husband. He said I don't nap with partially bald men.

traveler said...

When my son went to kindergarten years ago he decided that he would try it out for the day and see how he liked it. When I picked him up from his half day, he said it was ok, but he didn't think that it was necessary to return. He knew everything that they did and would stay home.

Quilt Lady said...

Great post Christie, love your post.

I will have to tell a story on my little sister, there is ten years different in our ages. One day she was digging in her toy box just fussing. We ask her what the problem was and she said I can't get the SOB out but she said the read words with the first word be Summa. After our hidden laughs she got into a world of trouble. I think she was about four.

Michelle H. said...

We were eating dinner one night when my daughter asked, "Mom, are you on your puberty?" She's 9, has been learning about "growing up", and had noticed a box of tampons in the bathroom that morning. My husband and son both cracked up. I told her I was on my "period", not my "puberty". She looked at her dad & brother, who were still chuckling, huffed & said (oh so confidently), "I don't know what you 2 think is so funny. So, I got a word wrong. It's not like one of you big babies could ever put a tampon inside your body." That's the point when I lost it. I had been so cautious, giving her just the info she "needed" & it turns out she'd gone ahead & read the pamphlet inside the box! My husband and son were quiet the rest of the meal!

catslady said...

I loved them all but especially the color-blind story. It's been too long since my kids were small and I'm still waiting for grandchildren so no stories that I can remember lol.

Sarah S. said...

Great stories. I would have loved to grow up in your household. Unfortunately no children yet for me, so no real kids say the darnedest things stories yet. Hopefully soon though.

C.C. Hunter said...

Thanks guys. I love the stories. Thanks for the chuckles.

Christie Craig said...

Man...there's that C.C. Hunter coming in here and pretending to me again. LOL.

CC

mariehahn13 said...

Oh my goodness, how funny! I love the innocence of children :)

My 6 year old daughter, fiancee and I were all out to dinner at Red Lobster. When we walked through the door, she was fascinated with the lobsters they had out in the tank. After we sat down, one of the kids at the table next to us asked their parents why the lobsters were there. The parent responded "they're kind of like a pet, or a mascot for the restaurant... just something to look at." My daughter stood up, walked over to their table and said quite loudly, "Your mom is a liar. They're in the tank so you can pick one to eat, and they taste yummy!"

My fiancee and I were horrified, but what do you really say in an instance like that? And it was hard not to laugh at her honesty!

Needless to say, we apologized to the table next to us, and our daughter, bless her heart, enjoyed her lobster.