Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Things I Can't Make Up

This stuff was in the headlines today (I kid you not):

Baptists From Idaho Arrested for Kidnapping Haitian Children

Overheard at last Sunday's Church social;

"I've got a good idea! Let's get a bunch of us and go down to Haiti - and drive around picking up random children off the street and take them to another country!"

"Okay. It's cold here, and we're out of lemon bars."


Giant Squid Swarm the California Coast

At the End of days according to the Mayan calendar, a...um...crapload of giant squid will appear to signal the arrival of Godzilla-the-Antichrist.


Pack of Feral Beagles Terrorize Long Island

This is worse than last time, when we had that attack by frisky kittens! Remember the year before that...when we were paralyzed with fear by swarms of fireflies with irritable bowel syndrome? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!


First Legal Male Prostitute - Markus - Former Homeless Man Who Says He is Good With Women Because His Mother Didn't Love Him

Oh yeah, baby. Nothing screams SEXY like "formerly homeless" and "mother didn't love me." Sign up quick ladies, at $300 for 45 minutes, there won't be any openings left on his dance card!



The Assassin

14 comments:

EmilyBryan said...

Thanks for the giggle!

Leslie Langtry said...

I'm just happy if one more person on this planet thinks the way I do, Emily!

MsHellion said...

Wow, I am creeped out by the male prostitute. *LOL*

And the Baptists have totally been making me roll my eyes all week. Honestly, people, what were you thinking?

Leslie Langtry said...

Did you see the story by the New York Post reporter who hired him for two hours? He said she was an "8" and kept asking her to spank him. He also said no one would ever get pregnant cuz he "can feel if the condom breaks." Of course by that time, it's too late! And an "8?" He doesn't have this wooing thing down, does he?

Sandy said...

ROFL Thanks, Christie. I needed that.

TerriOsburn said...

Tell me that's an 8 out of 20. And isn't that like saying "I'm good with Alligators because they don't eat stupid people?"

Gotta wonder if those missionarys asked "What would Jesus do?"

Leslie Langtry said...

Good point terrio. I don't think Jesus would've scooped up the kids and fled to another country...but I could be wrong about that.

Becky LeJeune said...

Oh, this just cracked me up! I'll throw in my thanks for the laugh as well!

Leslie Langtry said...

I exist to amuse!

catslady said...

The only one I saw was your first one. Actually the parents gave their children away willingly but now they're all in trouble.

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Liz Kreger said...

Way too funny, Leslie. And I'm with MsHellion. The male prostitute creeped me out. After reading your comment re: the interview ... I'm beyond creeped out. Ewww.

Tori Lennox said...

I got the biggest giggle over the feral beagles.

Leslie Langtry said...

Feral Beagles ARE funny.