A Simple Plan

I'd love to introduce you to one fabulous and funny lady. I met Phyllis Williams at the PASIC conference in March. Just sharing a table with her over dinner convinced me I liked this person. She'd funny, witty, and a great writer to boot.

Take it away Phillis.

There’s nothing I love more than a string of good writing days. Unfortunately, as the pages stack up so do the pounds.

To combat the weight gain that comes along with endless hours of sitting in an office chair, I came up with a simple plan:

1. Choke down an apple a day.

2. Drink one glass of water per six-pack of Diet Coke.

3. Walk 30 minutes a day (laps around Target count).

4. Go to bed hungry.

Strict adherence to these rules has rewarded me with a not-so-fat ass I can squeeze into non-elasticized jeans. Not great, but I figured it was good enough for a woman in her mid-forties.

Until now.

First, our fortysomething First Lady shrugged off her prim cardigan to reveal sculpted arms reminiscent an Olympic gold medalist.

Then a favorite actress from my childhood took it to a new level by posing on the cover of People magazine in a skimpy bikini at 48-years-old.

Geez, what’s with these women and their buff bods? Didn’t they get the middle-aged lady memo? Our forties are a time to relax and feel good in our own cellulite-covered skin, not look better than women two decades younger.

I told myself it didn’t matter. Just because Michelle Obama and Valerie Bertinelli are turning heads doesn’t mean I have too.

Sigh.

But just like high school I succumbed to pressure of my peers.

So nowadays, instead of spending my precious non-writing time stretched out on the sofa watching King of the Hill reruns, I’m hitting the gym (you know, that place where you show up once a year to pay your dues, then disappear). I’ve gone from running to the refrigerator to running on the treadmill and lifting dumbbells instead of Pringles cans.

I’m still waiting to experience the rush of feel good endorphins that are supposed to accompany exercise. Meanwhile, I’m actually looking forward to my fifties, where hopefully women my age will be content to just let themselves go.