I do hereby resolve...to reach for the stars!

It's that time again. A new year. Isn't it funny how simply flipping the calendar from one month to another--one day to another--we somehow feel that with the turning of that page, anything is possible. I always feel that way at this time. The beginning of a new year is an invitation to introspection, an opportunity for evaluation and a catalyst for change. At the beginning of a new year we all look back and see things we'd like to change, things we'd like to improve on, things we'd like to have accomplished--and didn't--or things we just plain want to forget. It's a time of soul-searching, examining our strengths and weaknesses, and reexamining our choices both good and bad and then moving on.

Most people make resolutions. I generally don't. Why? Well, for starters just consider the word 'resolution'. From the word 'resolve' which comes with such stellar synonyms as: firm, unyielding, definite, unwavering, steadfast and persevering, it doesn't seem to me a resolution comes with much wiggle room. For me, it's pretty much set in stone. You know: 'I HEREBY RESOLVE'. I think of a resolution as a promise--a promise to myself and others--and because I do I'm hesitant to make any unless I'm pretty darned sure I can keep 'em.

And let's face it. How often do people actually keep their resolutions? Oh, most of us can last a month or even two or three, but most of us backslide at some point and by the time year's end rolls around, that same resolution is back on the table.

We all know the most popular resolutions. Number one is always to lose weight. Ten pounds, twenty, thirty, forty--one hundred. Don't get me wrong--I've battled weight issues. As a matter of fact, I tipped the scale at over 200 pounds before my triplets were born. I remember it well. It was one of the the last times I stepped on a scale outside of a physician's office. But once I lost the 'baby fat', I stayed at the same weight for the next eighteen years. I figured that was proof positive I'd found my ideal weight. As long as I can get into my jeans without damaging my diaphragm, I'm good to go.

Another popular resolution deals with nutrition and getting in shape. Admittedly, I could use some improvement in these areas. Still, I'm more apt to address this area by means of smaller, incremental steps. Back in August I gave up Coca Cola. People who know me, know how much I love Coke. It was my grandma's favorite and became mine, as well. But last summer when I was tackling a tight deadline and other life issues, I realized just how much I was drinking while I was writing, so in August I went cold turkey. And I haven't had a sip of 'pop' as we call it in the heartland, since then. It was doable. And it was time. Next up? I'm decaffeinating my coffee. Slowly. Over time. I'm down to one cup of the 'hard stuff' each morning. Baby steps.

Don't misunderstand. I do set goals and have for many years. The difference between goals and resolutions is that with goals you can craft them in such a way that, even if you don't achieve your ultimate long-term goals, you've probably achieved a number of short-term ones on your way to the biggies you can pat your back over. In writing goal-setting is extremely important. While your ultimate long-term goal may be to write within a new genre and sell that book to a second publishing house, the only thing you really have control over is the writing. How you write. When you write. How well you write. How much you write. Whether you sell it or not--well, that's always the million dollar question, isn't it?

Last year I decided that going back to school was something I wanted to do. Now I'm in school--and loving it. Well, most of the time.

So, this year the only resolution I'm planning to make is to resolve to work hard at whatever task is placed before me, to do my very best with what I've been given, and to treat each day as the gift it truly is.

Hoping 2008 finds you all reaching for the stars!

~Bullet Hole Bacus~

Repeat After Me! I Promise To Be Different! I Promise To Be Unique! I Promise Not to Repeat Things Other People Say!

(Photo of Santa as the Spartan king Leonidas for those of you who remember the 300 Spartan potato blog.)

Okay, so I plagerized Steve Martin on that one. Remember that album from the '70's? I must have played it one million times. Isn't it so cool that a guy in a white suit with an arrow through his head - whose tagline was "Well excuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeee!" was just honored by the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts? Classic.

SO! It's that time to make resolutions. Usually, I hide the list so if no one else finds it (which also means that I never find it) - it never existed. Right? But this year I'm gonna try something different.

Prepare for...The ANTIRESOLUTIONS! Dun dun dun!

1) I resolve to not hurt my pets or children. (Kind of a no-brainer there - and easily achievable. I can probably check this one off right now! Woo hoo!)

2) I resolve to have a messy house. (My favorite one.)

3) I resolve to not to kill my husband in his sleep - even if he deserves it. (This one might be a little harder - but notice I didn't say I wouldn't fantasize about killing him - so there's a sort of loophole there.)

4) I resolve not to limit my diet in any way. (Actually - this may be my favorite.)

5) I resolve that excercise is considered cruel and unusual punishment according to the articles of the Geneva Convention - so I won't succumb. (Alright - I'm not sure this is really part of the Geneva Convention - but don't you think it should be???)

6) I resolve not to live up to any unrealistic expectations I might have for myself. (See how I did that? Nice, huh?)

Feel free to plagerize the list. I plan to lose it as soon as possible.

Happy New Year!

The Assassin

Life is Full of Surprises

Happy New Year!!!

Okay…it’s that time—the time when we reward ourselves for all we did that was good last year.

Right?

Or, are you guys like me and skip all the good things you did, and go straight to all the things you didn’t do? Now, don’t get me wrong, 2007 has been one heck of a year for me. But I’ve been so busy, I sometimes met myself at the door, kissed my cheek goodbye, and insisted I come home early. Then on top of just being busy, I’ve had some . . . well, crap to deal with. So, a few things may have fallen through the cracks.

Yup, I’ve got good excuses for not accomplishing everything on MY LIST. In all honesty, I’m not beating myself up over my unmet resolutions. Well, not too much! But those “things” have crossed my mind one or two . . . hundred times in the last 24 hours. So, what’s on my didn’t-do list?

I haven’t fit back into that size-five dress yet. I haven’t yet trained my dog to retrieve the mail while losing all jury summons and unwanted bills. I still have boxes of clutter in my office. My bedroom’s walk-in closet still can’t be walked into, (partially due to a lot of size five clothes—from seven years ago) and I haven’t learned to speak French yet. (And those computer programs promised I’d be fluent within six months. Maybe they don’t work just sitting in the bag under my office cabinet, huh? However, they really should have stated that on the box!)

Okay…so maybe I have some things to work on this year. At least, making my list will be a little easier. Just pull out the old one and re-date that sucker. But to my credit, and probably to yours as well, we need to stop and rethink about all we did accomplish. Some of those accomplishments may have even appeared on our lists (be thrilled for those) but others may have popped up, inconveniently of course, and demanded our attention by shifting our worlds ever so slightly.

Yes, some of them I could have done without—like that 48-hour stomach flu I caught (nasty), my dog’s stomach flu (really nasty), my son’s near excision of his big toe while kayaking with his dad while I was at National. (also nasty). Let’s not forget my lumpectomy (getting your boob cut open just isn’t a lot of fun) and my dad’s surgery (talk about being scared for someone you love.) And there was the closing of the company that employed my husband. Yeah, I could have done without several of those. But the truth is, some of those bad things led to some pretty good things. Life is full of surprises like that.

My bout of stomach flu kind of helped me research a few scenes in my upcoming book, Wedding Can Be Murder—nasty, but really funny. My dog’s flu, well, I can’t think of anything good about that! Now my son’s toe…we spent a lot of mommy-and-me time while doing some serious doctoring to make sure he got to keep the little digit…which he did. My lumpectomy—which wasn’t cancer—will also end up in a book—plus I can brag that I’ve been felt up by more men this year than I have in ages (okay ever.) And, as you probably remember when I blogged about it, I passed out tons of business cards with my cover on it to anyone who stood still long enough for me to reach for my purse. And I might have chased one or two down that got away. My dad’s surgery? Well, he and I had a lot of father and daughter time, laughed and created memories as he recovered. And my husband’s company’s closing led to him having a better paying job. Yep, life is full of surprises.

Now, all of this isn’t meant to imply that I’m against resolutions. Oh, heck no! I’ve already got my list re-dated and a few new things added to it. I’m big on goals. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that life isn’t just about meeting goals or resolutions, it’s about dealing with the crap that comes out of left field and lands unceremoniously in our laps—or, in my dog’s case . . . never mind. But to put it more eloquently, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass . . . it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” I didn’t write that, but I was smart enough to buy it on a plaque to hang in my house.

So here’s my New Year’s wish for myself and for all of you. This year, may we reach as many of our resolutions as we can, may we avoid as many storms as possible, but when and if the storms hit, may we all learn to dance in the rain.

Now it’s your turn. Can you share a few of your resolutions? Or better yet, maybe tell me about some of your storms and how some of them maybe even brought about something positive. Life is full of surprises.

Happy New Year.
Crime Scene Christie

Happy New Year!

Ahhh…the New Year. That time in our lives when we make promises to be more effective, less addicted, debt free, skinnier, smarter, and better people. It will last until just around mid February when we skip the gym in hopes of making it to the Valentine’s sales at the mall, when we buy 18 boxes of Thin Mints and Samoas only because it’s a good cause, when we step on a Lego brick in *that* spot on the arch foot and we yell “Shit!” instead of “Sugar!”

I know. Pointless, right?

Wrong.

I make resolutions every year. Yeah it’s kinda ridiculous to make life changing proclamations based on the season but *fortunately* I’m consistent in my madness: I clean in the spring though my house could certainly benefit from it more often. I pummel my body into better shape for the summer though I chastise myself for not maintaining the discipline year round. In autumn I can vegetables though, thanks to the miracle of modern science, they are available [relatively] fresh or frozen all year long. So it only makes sense that I make resolutions to welcome in the new year though I should make a concerted effort to improve myself whenever I find myself lacking regardless of the earth’s orientation to the sun.

Without further ado, My New Year’s Resolutions:

Write. Write well and more, sure but in the end: just write.

That’s all. Overall, I’m fairly happy with my life. I eat well and exercise. I floss. I rarely exceed the speed limit and I swear I’m gonna vote.*

So…yeah, write. That’s it. The end.

*If I can’t find a candidate I’d marry [sometimes the ultimate deciduous factor] I’d be happy settling for one I don’t want to bury.

Celebrate responsibly and I'll see ya' next year!

Coffee with the Surfer

I hope all of you killer ladies out there had a great Christmas. Mine was fantastic! I got tons of great presents, including an adorable diamond “Gemma” necklace just like the “Carrie” necklace from Sex and the City. Too cool! Also a Barnes & Noble gift card I will be putting to good use, some blinged out bracelets, and an Andy Warhol “shoes” mouse pad. Love it all! Of course, Santa did overlook my request to have Johnny Depp tied up au naturale with a bow under my tree, but I guess I’ll just have to work on being an even better girl in 2008 for that gift. I did spend the day with family and friends, playing with all our new toys, and, instead of doing the hand up the turkey’s you-know-what that Christie braved (you are my hero, girl), we had Christmas pizzas with red and green peppers on top. And Irish cream martinis – yum, to die for!

With all the merry making over, I’ve turned my sights to the new year and one of my favorite things about this season – New Year's resolutions. I have a few this year, some professional, some personal. But there is one stand out for me this year: My best friend Suze and I have both resolved to find Mr. Right in 2008, even if it means we have to go through the entire west coast supply of single men in the process. So, look out – you all will be getting my bad date recaps in spades this year!

So, to get a jump-start… I have a coffee date this afternoon. A thirty-something computer guru ($) slash surfer (anyone else having flashbacks of Keanu Reeves circa Point Break?). Mr. Surfer is a single dad of two little munchkins (responsible!), lives near the beach (location, location, location) and loves to go out dancing (never a bad thing to have a man that knows how to move). We’re meeting at 1pm, so I’ll add an update here post-date. Wish me luck!

In the meantime, anyone else have 2008 resolutions they want to share?

Update!
There are days I hate being a woman. WARNING: This is not for the faint of heart. If you are male, read no further. Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

So, I put on my cute outfit, pair of earrings, fluff the hair up a little. I work out my emergency plan with Suze. (“If he’s awful, I go in the bathroom, text you 911, and you call me back in two minutes to say the house is on fire.”) Then, I brave the drizzly weather, hop in my little car and get to the coffee place a few minutes early. (You know, ‘cause it’s always good to scope out possible escape routes ahead of time.) I grab a latte and settle into a table near the window with the latest JD Robb book to wait for Mr. Wonderful to arrive.

But, here’s the thing. Something about the anticipation of a blind date makes me incredibly nervous. Which in turn makes me have to pee. So, I get up and go visit the ladies’ room. Guess what I find? (Yeah, this is the part that will squick the guys out.) Aunt Flo has come for an early visit. Two minutes before Mr. Wonderful is due to arrive! I frantically dig in my purse before remembering I used my last emergency goody at the mall last month and forgot to replenish the purse. I’ve got nothing. And, this being a little neighborhood coffee house, they don’t have any of those handy throw-in-a-quarter-get-out-a-goody machines either. I’m sunk. So, I do the only thing I can. I grab a handful of paper towels and pull my stretchy shirt down way over my butt so no tell-tale bulge is visible. Okay, so very little tell-tale bulge is visible. I figure I can quickly slink back to my table, grab my book, hightail it home for goodies, then get back here only marginally late for the date.

So, feeling like I’m wearing some sort of funky diaper, I waddle my way back to my table. Just as… (you guessed it)… Mr. Wonderful walks in the door. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s adorable in person. Sigh. I quickly sit down at the table (lest he notice my bulgy butt) and let the little hamster in my head run a marathon as I try to figure out what to do next. I can go back to the bathroom, text Suze, and wait for her emergency call. The only problem with this is that he will definitely get a great view of bulgy butt as I walk across the room again. Not to mention, he’s really cute! The last thing I want is for him to think I’m ditching him.

I briefly contemplate plan B, telling him the truth, but realize if I go with that plan he’ll be the one calling his phone-a-friend for a fake emergency escape route.

Which leaves me only one more option. I cross my legs, hold my breath, and pray he doesn’t notice as I nod, smile and try to make witty small talk. (Call me a multi-tasker.)

And apparently, even with Aunt Flo looming over me, I succeed. He asked if I'd like to go out again sometime. To which I readily agreed. Only, this time, I will definitely make sure I have an emergency stash on hand. Never leave home without them, girls!


~Gemma "Trigger Happy" Halliday

'Snowed' Under...in more ways than one

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. My family had a terrific one filled with the usual traditions--and the usual overeating. We're still waiting to have Christmas with my folks and that side of the family. Due to heavy and blowing snow, we had to postpone getting together.

I'm sure you've already guessed this, but I'm not a fan of snow. In fact, if I never saw another snowflake I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. No, I don't require snow to put me in the Christmas spirit. In fact, I'm more likely to become a humbug if it starts to snow when I know family, friends, or yours truly have to be on the roads. I've seen enough snow to last me a lifetime. But when you live in a plain state, you resign yourself to the fact that it will inevitably snow at some point during the winter. But this winter so far has been a snow-grinch's worst nightmare.

It seems every weekend we get hit with a winter storm of some variety. I've already posted pictures of the ice storm that hit our area several weeks ago. Our community still looks like a disaster area with limbs stacked on the curbs or broken ones still dangling from trees. In fact, our county--among many others--has been proclaimed a federal disaster area as a result of the ice damage.

Then on the heels of Mr. Iceman's tantrum, we get hit by several snowstorms a week apart--with my lucky community having the dubious distinction of receiving the largest amount of snowfall. The latest winter weather event occurred the weekend before Christmas. Great timing, Mother Nature.

As a result, I seem to be spending a heckuva lot of time shoveling snow. Nope. No snowblower here. I guess I should admit to being somewhat, uh, thrifty. I calculated the cost of four shovels (one per member of household) and decided who needed a snowblower? After all, how many snowstorms could we get at most?

Little did I suspect that this year would see record-breaking snowfall amounts double what we normally receive. As a result, I'm thinking I should probably have included a snowblower in my letter to St. Nick of a week ago. Sigh.

And the added time commitment to shoveling couldn't come at a worse time. With revisions behind me, I was determined to use the additional time at home to get a jump-start (okay START) my next Calamity Jayne mystery, ANCHORS AWEIGH. I had it all planned out. How many pages I would write each day. How I'd have the first draft all written by the first of the year. (I do love setting goals, don't you?) Well, I hadn't factored lumberjack duties and snow removal into my schedule. So, I'm waaay behind. How behind? Behind as in I have to generate cover ideas for the book and send them in by January 3rd and Tressa still hasn't officially set sail yet! It's enough to shiver me timbers, mates!

So, I'm psyching myself up to make a big charge over the next five days and get a big chunk of the first draft of this book written. I've got my Pirates of the Caribbean CDs to inspire me and pics of Captain Jack Sparrow and William Turner to keep me company. The spirit is willing...

And Bullet Hole's muse?

She may require a kick in the seat to get going if we get the snow forecasted for this evening and tomorrow.

Hmm. I wonder if it's too early to ask Ho Ho for a snowblower for next Christmas--and request a very early delivery?

So how was your Christmas? Any funny stories to share? What did Santa bring you this year? Any gag gifts you can share here? Do tell.

~Bullet Hole Bacus~

Once More Into The Breach, Dear Friends, Once More; Or Close The Wall Up With Our Lego Dead!

Okay. So I'm a total Shakespeare geek. But there's something about Henry V and Agincourt that rings true about Christmas at our house. No, we didn't battle the French for dominance (although that might have been fun), and no, no actual Legos were harmed (seriously - their heads just pop back on) in the making of this photo.

What actually did happen was that I learned something while Tom and I stayed up until 2 a.m. putting together Jack's #$%$#*!!! Lego castle. Number one - Hannah Montana's Stage is much easier to put together. And two - Lego has achieved god-like status (at least in my eyes) when putting together those instruction books.

I say books, because the word "booklet" doesn't even come close to describing what the Lego company has put together. There, in full color, gooey, glossy goodness is a 5,000 page, step-by-step tome on how to put each of the 25 million pieces together. It's a wonder of printing. I think the manual cost more than the actual toy. . .that, um, Santa brought.

So, for four hours, my husband and I swore up a blue streak, talked to ourselves like madmen, hissed at each other when an errant hand invaded our carefully organized set, and scrambled for pieces as they fell on the floor as if they were priceless diamonds. Meanwhile, Jack and his cousin Gavin ran into the dining room every five minutes asking if we were done.

When we finally finished it - Tom and I toyed with hosing it down with super glue and forbidding the kids from ever, ever, ever playing with it.

We didn't actually do that. How do you give a shrieking seven-year old a toy then tell him he can't play with it? I DARE you to try it. (And if it works - could you call me?)

You know, it's too bad writing doesn't come with a step-by-step manual - with nouns, verbs and adjectives in clear, plastic bags with large numbers on them. These would be color-coded according to character development, plot points and of course - the dreaded black moment.

Interestingly enough, I do considerably less swearing when I write. And no one runs into my office every five minutes to ask if I'm done yet (well, no one who wants to stay ALIVE would do that). So, I guess it all evens out in the end.

We got the Lego castle done (which I thought should be A LOT bigger after all that work). It was a Hallmark Channel-worthy Christmas miracle (where I would be played by Angelina Jolie, of course).

Happy Holidays!

The Assassin