Wednesday, February 02, 2011

70% More Sausage, and My Ass


Sorry for the suggestive name of this blog. I just got that. (Warning - upcoming photo might be for mature audiences or bruise fetishists only.)


After picking up Hot (Breakfast) Pockets for my son yesterday (his drug of choice), I noticed the package. It says (as you can see) 70% more sausage. What were these people thinking? I mean, how little sausage is in there to begin with if you need to add 70% more? Most things like this are 10% or maybe even 20% more. But 70%? Does my 10year old really need to have 70% more meat...or for that matter, anything? If there's 70% MORE sausage, and let's say, for the sake of arguement that there was 25% to begin with, doesn't that mean there's only 5% for the bread, the cheese and eggs? Shouldn't they just call it a sausage with bits of egg and cheese? I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one who sees it that way.


That's right, this is my ass - or rather, my left buttock. Last Thursday, I fell down the garage stairs (see, we have this sunken family room off the garage). I was carrying 4 bags of groceries, a tote bag and my purse (what?). Of course, I didn't see where my feet were going. Of course, the linoleum steps were wet from my kids tracking in snow. Of course, I'm a complete idiot.

Look at the size of this thing! It's 8"x10"! Impressive (painful, but also impressive)! And colorful! All I know is, this is the first time I've ever wanted to show people a picture of my ass...well, since I was 23.

Well, I'm completely snowed in. I might actually get some writing done! I think before I do, I'll go have one of those sausage Hot Pockets...

The Assassin

20 comments:

krisgils33 said...

you know, when i saw your facebook post about falling, it read like more of an i love lucy moment than anything serious. but, dayum!!! that's gotta ouch (and then some!).

Christie Craig said...

Ouch!

CC

TerriOsburn said...

Wow, this is a side of you I never expected to see.

That looks PAINFUL! Are you sore from having to lean to the right when you sit??

If I'm buying a product that says it has sausage, I want my sausage to be 100% sausage. I don't want them to have to say "We used to have 20% sausage mixed with 80% wood chips, but now we've changed!"

I bet this is like that Taco Bell meat that doesn't actually have a lot of meat in it. I don't want to know what they're using for cheese.

Stay warm. (It's humid and raining here today. Strangest Feb. ever.)

Amanda Brice said...

Ow! That looks like it hurts. Totally something I would do. Get better!

Leslie Langtry said...

I am so relieved to hear that that's something someone else would do too.

Got 18 inches of snow last night. The dogs refuse to go out. In hindsight, it was a mistake to throw the pug into the midst of it.

Suzan Harden said...

Ee-owww! How the hell are you walking, much less sitting or standing? You sure you didn't crack a pelvic bone?

catslady said...

That's the largest and simultaneously ugliest and most colorful black and blue marke that I have ever seen (and hope to ever see lol). Looks like you are going to have that beauty for a while.

Refhater said...

OMG, that looks painful!

We got hit hard with snow last night. Had to walk to work because I couldn't get my car out of my parking lot. Of course I would pick the one place in town to work that never closes. (Hospital) Made the local paper though, so the day's not a total loss.

Brandy said...

WHOA! Hope it feels better soon.

Estella said...

That looks very painful!

Leslie Langtry said...

Thanks guys! It did give me an excuse to get out of shovelling today. Well, that and the fact that I shovelled all last year while Mr. A was in Iraq.

MsHellion said...

Holy crap, woman! That looks freaking ass painful! I hope you're medicating yourself with pitchers of cosmos or something.

Kristi said...

OUCH! I did that on our front stairs. We have 8 cement steps that lead down to our driveway. I got to the 2nd step, both my feet went out from under me and I bounced down the rest and landed flat on my back in the driveway.

My daughter heard me scream and came running out in her socks and came down right after me.

I bruised my coxxax (sp?)and was sore for about 3 weeks. So no you aren't the only clutz around. lol

Heather said...

Ouch! Been there, done that. More than once. Hope it heals fast!

Kima said...

Ouch! Having a bruise that big on your bum should entitle you to lay on your belly in bed and eat brownies all day.

We got anywhere from 14" to 24" depending on which news cast you are watching. All I know is it was up to my butt (I'm 5'11") and I have always wanted butt-deep snow. Of course, I'm the only one in my town who is happy about this. Plus we were closed for 2-1/2 days. I love snow days!

Robyn said...

Does anybody else see the irony in your post showing your 'nether regions' when your name is the Assassin?!?!

It's in the name not once, but TWICE!! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...but hoping the bruise heals up cause that has to be painful!

coolestmommy2000 at gmail dot com

Kathy Bacus said...

OMG! You got your you-know-what kicked, woman! Hope you had a nice soft pillow to put on your office chair.

Trust the Assassin to get one 'killer' of a bruise.

And I had to dig out from over ten inches of snow. It's official. I hate snow.

Anne said...

OMG! I wasn't expecting to see anybody's ass when I checked out the blog today. I do have to agree, that bruise is IMPRESSIVE. Yikes, it must have really hurt.

Robin Kaye said...

OMG! That's one nasty bruise. Poor you! Feel better soon!

PATRICIA said...

The perfect cure for a bruised behind.... Another Bombay Family Book! Please Leslie - four are not enough!!!!!