If You Can't Say Something Nice . . .

Another contest! Pop over to http://wildwickedwacky.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of Shut Up an Kiss Me or a copy of Wild, Wicked & Wanton: 101 Way to Love Like You are In a Romance Novel. Contest doesn't end until June 17th.

Winner! And Winners! (Because it was such a big showing of people I'm giving away five second places.)
THE WINNER OF THE BASKET IS LAURIE SMITH. THE FIVE SECOND PLACE WINNERS: Susanhatler, tetewa, crystalGB, Scorpio, Baileythebookworm. YOU CAN CHOOSE ANY DORCHESTER BOOK FROM MY BACK LIST, OR AN ARC OF WILD, WICKED & WANTON: 101 WAYS TO LOVE LIKE YOU ARE IN A ROMANCE NOVEL. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT Christie ( at) Christie-Craig.com with your snail mail addresses and your choices of books.

***Please join me today at:

BookEnds to read my article, Five Pieces of Writing Advice that I'm Glad I Didn't Take and Romance Writers Revenge. to read my article on The Ins and Outs, and Pros and Cons, of Writing Secondary Characters who aren't so Secondary where one commenter will receive an autographed copy of Shut Up and Kiss Me***

I heard it a lot growing up. It was my grandmother’s motto. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nuttn’ at all.” And I’ll be honest with you, Grandma’s advice and bits of wisdom were usually right on. I took her counsel to heart. So I spent a lot of my early years, not saying much, biting my lips, burying the truth behind a sweet smile, and by golly, I wouldn’t be caught dead complaining or whining.

If my steak was tough, I’d choke it down anyway. If Aunt Evelyn asked if that orange fall-fashion dress made her look like Two Ton Sally, I’d deny it. Not that it was an out and out lie. That dress made her look like a three-ton Sally wearing a Halloween tablecloth. The pumpkin literally winked at you as it got caught in her hindquarters as she walked. Then it happened. The world changed. And no, it really didn’t have anything to do with Aunt Evelyn or her hindquarters.

Suddenly, it was viewed unhealthy not to speak up, not to unload your stresses and tell people the honest to goodness truth. The hell with the consequences, getting things off your chest was heart healthy. Oh, and whining was not considered a bad thing, it was like vegetables, everybody needed to learn to like it.

And I’ll admit I was all into keeping my heart healthy. So, I pissed off Aunt Evelyn, got my share of free half-eaten steak dinners that could bounce off the wall. And I wasn’t shy about sharing my negative feelings with others. Then it happened.

I got sick and tired of living on the negative side of life. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I’d had it with all that whining, too. Oh, it wasn’t my own whining that bothered me, but everyone else’s. In their defense, they had a right to keep their hearts healthy, too, right? Well, maybe not. What was it grandma said? If you can’t say something nice . . .

Then again, I wasn’t altogether ready to go back to spending two hours trying to swallow a piece of beef that could have qualified as shoe leather. Aunt Evelyn’s wardrobe choices were much easier on the eyes, now that she’d retired several of her tablecloths. That’s when I decided Grandma’s counsel just needed a little alteration to work in my life.

If you can’t say something nice . . . and this next part is what I altered, …at least make it funny! That’s right, humor goes a long way. If someone asks me if those jeans make their butt look big, I just might answer, “Oh, you mean that wasn’t the look you were going for?” If I get that uneatable steak, I just politely ask the waitress “Can you check with the cook and see if the steak comes in a size 5 ½ because since I can’t swallow it, and I’m paying for it, I should at least be able to wear it.” The humor in the truth always softens the blow. People like humor even when you are telling them that their ass is too big or that their steaks could choke a mean horse with a new set of choppers.

As for how I dealt with the whining. Well, it goes like this. Not only do I work really hard to see the humor in all situations, and make my whines entertaining…Hey, you guys have laughed at my whines…but I limit the amount of energy and time I put into whining. And I expect my family and friends to do the same. My non-fiction writing partner and I whom I talk to every day made a pact. We can only whine on Wednesday. Now, mini humor-laced whines can be interjected occasionally during the other six days of the week. Seriously, by Tuesday, you have to let go of a few of them or you just might explode, but for the most part, you have to store those puppies up for Wednesday. And the more humor you can throw in into your Wednesday bitch session, the more whining time you’ll get.

Yeah, it might sound harsh, but it’s not a bad thing, it’s even good for you. Humor is better for the heart than whining. Laughing, even when it’s about something slightly painful, is a good way to deal with the stress of whine-worthy situations.

So today, I’ve come up with a perfect prize for this blog. It’s a “You Gotta Laugh” basket. I actually found a cup with my new approach to Grandma’s rule. (See it and the prizes in the picture below.) And because this is still release month, I’m adding a very special item to the basket. A skunk. That’s right. Because I think one of the funniest scenes in Shut Up and Kiss Me deals with the little stinker of an animal, I picked up one to give away. And because I’m all into the value of laughter, I have one more Oops A-Daisy Super Pocket Pooper that I’m adding to the basket. Yes, when you press on this little pocket size cow’s legs, it will crap you out some little balls of chocolate. And because chocolate is another great way to deal with stress, and because I’m not into eating crappy chocolate, I’m throwing in some better chocolate, too.

All you have to do to get your name in the hat is to leave me a comment, you can even whine . . . if you can make it funny. Hey…it’s not Wednesday. The winner will be picked randomly by hubby. And make sure you come back tomorrow to see the winner’s name posted on the top of the blog.

CC