Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I Just Called...To Say...Where's My Stuff, Mom?

This picture was taken by my friend, Todd Welvaert at the local Menards at Xmas time. Some employee there has a sense of humor - which is awesome. It has nothing to do with today's blog.

My mom used to complain, back in the '70's and then '80's, that my sister and I called her too much at work. I remember thinking A) we are her children and our voices bring rainbows and unicorns to her oppressive day, and B) Jenny started it.

I finally get it. Oh, the folks at my day job may not realize it because technology has evolved beyond the landline to texting on the cell. But my kids text me CONSTANTLY. My co-workers hear me swearing violently in the next room and probably think I'm having trouble with Photoshop or finding the right euphemism for "elder abuse." But they would be wrong, because A) my children's endless messages are not inspirational texts of love and joy, and B) Jack started it.

Here is an example of yesterday afternoon's texting:

Jack: Wheres my cell charger?

Me: I don't know. I'm at work. Look for it.

Jack: Where did u see it last?

Me: I didn't use it last. Seriously, I'm working here. Ask Dad.

Jack: This is Meg. My phone is dead so I'm using Jacks. Dad said he was busy.

Me: So am I. I'm at work.

Jack: Where do u think it is? It charges both phones.

Me: I think it's within 30 feet of you somewhere. Look for it and stop texting me.

Jack: If u were looking for it, where would u look?

Me: (not answering in hopes they'll go away and I can finish this damned newsletter)

Jack: Mom?

Jack: Mom?

Jack: Mom?

Jack: Mom?

Jack: Hello?

Jack: This is Meg. Helloooooo?

Me: Really?

Jack: Wheres my charger?

Me: I'm 2 miles away and can't see from here. Now stop it and leave me alone or I'll think of something really bad to do to you when I get home.

Jack: My phone's gonna die!

Me: You're gonna die if you don't stop texting me.

Jack: U r our mom. Ur sposed to be worried 4 our safety.

Me: No, I'm "sposed" to be working...bringing home a paycheck so you can have a nice birthday next week...a birthday you won't enjoy so much IF YOU ARE DEAD.

(Insert 10 minute pause here)

Jack: I'll just ask dad again. Bye.

The Assassin


krisgils33 said...

pretty funny. especially the random photo.

my favorite thing about my family is coming home and having both my husband and daughter talk at me at the same time. not talk TO me, but it's almost like a competition for my attention.

Leslie Langtry said...

I've been there too. I just stop and tell them I'll only listen to the first person who gets me wine/beer/vodka. You should see them scramble.

krisgils33 said...

good tip, I'll have to remember that. usually, I just ignore them both (they don't like that too much).

Leslie Langtry said...

No they don't. They don't like being drink lackey either but it gives me about 1.24 min. of silence.

MsHellion said...

OMG! Hilarious...and WHY does the father always get out of this inane questioning? I don't get it!

Leslie Langtry said...

Don't know, but they always do!

TerriOsburn said...

This is my future. Time to buy stock in Verizon and Miss Clairol.

My sister used to do this only with phone calls.

Her: I'm going out tonight, how do I look?
Me: (ACROSS STATE LINES) I have no idea, I can't even see you.
Her: I'm wearing the long skirt with the black top.
Me: You're too short for the long skirt.
Her: No I'm not.
Me: I'm hanging up now.

My mother's response to "where is X?" was often, "If it was up your ass you'd know where it was." That would get you looking.

Leslie Langtry said...

Teri, I LOVE your mom! Mine used to say, "What? You want me to pull it out of thin air?"

TerriOsburn said...

That seems like a perfectly good question now, doesn't it? LOL!

Leslie Langtry said...

Okay, maybe I've said that too...once or twice...

krisgils33 said...

I find myself using other mom-isms that I swore I'd never use. Such as, "because I said so", which was my all-time NOT favorite as a child. My child, who apparently is already alot smarter than I ever was, will respond with "that is not an answer that tells me anything I need to know". She's 8. I'm checking myself into the insane asylum before she hits double digits. It's the only appropriate course of action.

Leslie Langtry said...

Damn! That's rough. My kids haven't though of that response yet...hell, I'm 43 and NEVER came up with anything that good!

TerriOsburn said...

I LOVE "Because I said so." I waited nearly 30 years to get to use that for my own gain. It's the best phrase ever.

Leslie Langtry said...

Exactly. Even though experts say we shouldn't use it, I think history proves its genius.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I just saw a parenting article that backed up the use of "Because I said so" - apparently explaining to much just gives a child more room to argue with you and wear you down. They don't like to hear "because I said so" because it's really "no" and the end of the discussion.

As for why children pester moms to find stuff, it's because we're so darned good at it. Somehow I can always find everything for everyone, even if it was close enough to bite them in the first place.