Tuesday, July 07, 2009

"I'll Have A Martini. Two At The Most. Three, I'm Under The Table...Four, I'm Under The Host."

A huge shout out to my girl, Dorothy Parker, for the title.

Last week's New Yorker Magazine had the best cartoon ever. And since there's probably no way I can get permission to show it here, I'll describe it.

It was called, "The Three Martini Breakfast." And the picture consisted of a man slumped over the breakfast table, a woman in a fetal position passed out under a chair, the breakfast on the stove was on fire, there were broken martini glasses and an empty bottle of vodka with a wide-eyed cat watching it all. Brilliant. Wish I'd thought of that.

So, just now my nine year old son is in the bathtub and he calls down, "Mom! Can you get me a glass of water?'

Me: I'm busy with my KF blog. Get it yourself.

Jack: I can't. You need to get it for me.

Me: Why?

Jack: I'm relaxing.

After grinding my teeth and counting to ten - an application that's usefulness goes WAY beyond the shaken baby syndrome years - I decide to ignore him completely and keep working on the blog. That's how important you guys are to me.

It's been a crazy week since I Shot You Babe came out and I've gotten a lot of e-mails from fans already (many of them who've read the book and are screaming, "NOOOOOOO," for some reason). I had a signing Saturday at the local Borders, an interview with the newspaper on Sunday and here and there have guest blogged on some great sites. I have another signing this Saturday at the Davenport, IA Barnes & Noble and a signing next week at the Romance Writers of America Conference in D.C.

In the meantime, I've got dishes in the dishwasher; laundry going so I can pack for my son's vacation with a friend (I can't believe he gets a #!%*! vacation!) and because I require clean underwear; am cleaning one catbox and two guinea pig cages; have bills to pay and today I put Sgt. Assassin on a plane to Iraq for the next year. That's him in the photo above. And yes, I know what he's looking at. And no, my head really isn't larger than his.

What you can't see is that he's now in great physical shape except for the broken ankle. He could probably wear my jeans if he wanted to. Life is so unfair.

As you can guess, I'm having a drink. A big one. With an orange umbrella (which looks weird sticking out of a beer bottle), ice cream sandwhiches (two...I'm not a total pig) and a complete lack of self-respect.

So this blog is unnaturally short. Blame Hellion. I was on the Romance Writers Revenge drinking virtual Bombay Bombers and a strange, smoking drink named Assassin's Last Call. And since I thought that was fun in a completely non-satisfying way (real alcohol is way better), I thought a little contest was in order.

Come up with a drink based on my series. You can base it on one of the characters, a scene or what have you. This weekend, I'll have some of my girlfriends over and we will test out these potions. Whichever one is best (meaning it tastes good and doesn't render us blind, fat or just plain pissed off) wins a complete set of the Bombay Series signed by moi.

Are you up to the challenge? I sure as hell hope so, because I could use a good amnesia-inducing drink. Let's see what you've got.

The Assassin


Terri Osburn said...

I suggested the Exploding Mickey yesterday but I'm not sure what would go in that. I'll have to think about it.

But how about The Vic - a straight up shot of Tequila. I mean, that stuff'll kill ya.

We had a great time yesterday. Thanks again for being with us!

Leslie Langtry said...

I had a great time too! I like the Vic but i KNOW you can come up with something good for the Exploding Mickey!

Terri Osburn said...

That's like a dare. Huh. Can't resist a dare. Okay.

Should be hot so that's Cinnamon Schnapps to start. Then we have to be able to light it so that's the rum. Add a wedge lime and a match and you have the Exploding Mickey.

And don't forget the glass that plays "It's a Small World". Can't forget that.

Maureen said...

I'd be happy ta lend one a' me magical glasses, but they tend ta self destruct when they leave the cyber world. But ya yer a gem yesterday and we enjoyed havin' ya aboard.

Me bartender certificate be from the Tortuga School a' Bartending so I'm not sure I gots a real world drink in me...

But I promise ta serve the winner on the Revenge!

Bookmobiler said...

You can't post the cartoon but you can post the link.

With luck one of these should work



Hellie Sinclair said...

I love being blamed for stuff, like partying...that's so awesome! *yells like a frat boy*

Dude, Assassin's Last Call and Bombay Bombers were pretty much the extent of my cleverness.

Though...let's see:

Ginny would have to have one called: "Garrote Him Till His Face Turns Blue" which is a long title to make the joke about her garroting everyone and that gin is the legitimate name for BLUE ruin. See, garrote, blue? Never mind.

Dak always struck me as a beer guy. But there is an actual drink called, "Hop, Skip and Go Naked" which I think Dak would be all for. And it calls for beer. Of course, he's hooked up with the girl who's the funeral director, right? So they should have a drink called, "Embalming Fluid" or something.

Paris would have something complete frou-frou. Sex on the Beach with an Assassin or something...

Hellie Sinclair said...

Okay, I didn't realize you'd want to test these things. Geez.

Okay: Garrote Him til He's Blue would have gin, blue raspberry vodka, and sprite.

Embalming Fluid would be: equal parts vodka, gin, cinnamon schnapps, and a touch of peach brandy.

Since everything on the RWR has rum in it, that means Assassin's Last Call and the Bombay Bombers were things with rum in them.

I imagined the Bombers were fruity drink (I'm thinking Hawaiian punch like) with white rum to taste with a shot glass of 151 rum dropped down the center--and you chug it.

Last Call was supposed to be something that smoked--and I have no idea how to do that one.

Leslie Langtry said...

Y'all are making me thirsty (she says with a sigh, looking sadly at her Diet Coke).

Caffey said...

Hi Leslie! I haven't had the joy to read your books yet so I'm not sure what you mean in a drink related to them you need. Did you want one made up or one we know of? I'm so not a drinker so I don't know, LOL. So I did some searching and found some cool drinks. So this one's for you :)

Name Damn-Your-Eyes Recipe
Ingredients 1 1/2 oz Gold Rum
1 tsp Dry Vermouth
1/2 oz White Wine
1 twist Lemon Peel
Instructions In a mixing glass half-filled with ice cubes, combine the rum, dubonnet, and dry vermouth. Stir well. Strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with the lemon twist.

Serve Damn-Your-Eyes in a Cocktail Glass

or even this (I'm now having fun!)
Name Bruised Heart Recipe
Ingredients 1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
1/2 oz Raspberry Liqueur
1/2 oz Cranberry Juice
Instructions Pour all ingredients in a mixing tin over ice, stir, and strain into shot glass.

Serve Bruised Heart in a Shot Glass

jenifer said...

Still pondering here, but didn't you used to have a Bombay family tree on your website? I was hoping for a refresher of names and relationships, but couldn't find it there. Or maybe I dreamed that it used to exist.

Terri Osburn said...

I might try that Bruised Heart on myself this weekend. That sounds good.

Michelle (MG) Braden said...

I make Vodka Mojitos

One Lime
Fresh Mint
1oz (or to taste) Vanilla vodka (can use regular but vanilla is better)
1/2oz Simple syrup (one cup sugar, one cup water brought to a boil then cooled, store in container/bottle - um, ours doesn't last long! LOL)
Soda water

Cut lime in half and juice it (if not very juicy use two), put juice in the glass, cut the lime into little wedges and also put in glass, toss some mint leaves in the glass, use something to mash (or muddle if you prefer proper bartending language) it all together with (I use the pestle from my mortar and pestle), pour the vodka and simple syrup into the glass over top of this, fill with ice almost to the top, then float some soda over that, stir with finger (or a spoon if you must). Drink.

You can make pitchers of this too, I do that for summer bbq's. It's a fantastic way too cool down. But it's deceptive so be careful!

Michelle (MG) Braden said...

I should add that this drink isn't based on your series, but you can easily make it that way. :-) When I think of Bombay I think gin, which makes me think of martinis, but I don't like gin so I'd have a vodka martini. Just shake the vanilla vodka mojito in shaker with ice, then pour into a martini glass, rimmed with sugar, and there you go. The Bombay Mojito Martini.

Leslie Langtry said...

Looks like I've got some drinking to do!

Suzan Harden said...

Wow! A cool challenge! It's been a while since I exercised the creative bartending skills...

Missippi Mud Pie

1oz Creme de Cacao
1oz Vanilla Vodka
1oz cream (I prefer heavy cream but substitute skim milk if you're watching your fat intake)

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Top with a teaspoon of whipped cream and a dash of graham cracker crumbs.

Coney Island Lemonade
8 oz Lemon Vodka
1 T. Raspberry syrup
1 cup of ice

Pour ingredients into a blender. Blend on highest settings until ice is crushed. Makes 4 drinks.

Lady Virginia
1 oz Blue Curacoa
1 oz Orange Vodka
1/2 oz orange schnapps

Shake over ice and strain in cocktail glass. Garnish with orange wedge.

Dakota Beer
1 oz. Root Beer Schnapps
12 oz. can Fargo Root Beer

Pour root beer into mug. Gently stir schnapp into root beer. Top off with ice if desired.

M. said...

I don't drink, so I wouldn't be able to suggest anything creatively exploding/smoking/garotting/guillotining alcoholic (I tend to stick with perrier and lime, if I'm feeling crazy with some pomegranate syrup and a little ginger ale thrown in) *g*,
just stopped by after visiting at the 'yankee romance' site to explore over here and say i really enjoyed the Bombay excerpt.

Cheeky Girl said...

Ok how about "The Fatal Flower" in honor of Missi!

In a martini glass add 1/4 oz elderflower syrup, 3 drops rose water, and a dash of bitters. Add 1oz chilled Bombay Sapphire Gin and top off with chilled Rose champagne. Over the top: Garnish with floating edible flower!

Refhater said...

Bombay drink suggestions:

"Death in the afternoon"
5 oz well chilled Champagne
1 oz Pernod
Pour the Pernod into the champagne flute and top off with the champagne.

"Paris Paradise"
8 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
2 oz Chocolate syrup (Hershey's)
2 oz Bailey's irish cream
Pour ingredients in a blender, mix them together.

1/3 oz Peppermint Schnapps
1/3 oz Tequila
1/3 oz Bourbon
3 oz (chilled) Coca-Cola
Pour whiskey, tequila and peppermint schnapps into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass, fill with chilled Coca-cola, and serve.

Refhater said...

All of the drinks everyone has listed sound incredibly good! Thankfully the weekned is coming up so I can try a couple of them and not have to drive anywhere.

".50 Caliber"
2 oz Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey
2 oz Jim Beam bourbon whiskey
2 oz dry gin
2 oz Absolut vodka
1 oz Squirt citrus soda
Pour the Jack Daniel's, Jim Beam , dry gin and Absolut vodka into a highball glass half-filled with ice cubes. Add Squirt, and serve.

"Dead Man Walking"
1 oz Jack Daniel's
1 oz Jagermeister
1 oz 1800® Tequila
Mix the Jack Daniel's and Jagermeister into a 2-oz shot glass, and shoot. Chase with tequila.

Caffey said...

I found more you need to drink (as well as a link to AAA, but I so couldn't resist telling you about these drinks too (Your titles of your books and blurbs help):

Karma Killer Recipe
1/4 oz Triple Sec
1 oz Dark Rum
1/4 oz Peach Brandy
1 oz Grapefruit Juice
1 oz Orange Juice
1 oz Pineapple Juice
Instructions Pour the rum, triple sec and peach brandy into a highball glass 3/4 filled with ice cubes. Add the fruit juices, stir well, and serve.

Serve Karma Killer in a Highball Glass


Gun Barrel Recipe
1/2 oz Triple Sec
1 1/2 oz Current Vodka
1 splash Cranberry Juice
Instructions Add vodka, triple sec and cranberry juice to a mixing glass, and mix well. Pour into a cocktail glass, and serve.

Serve Gun Barrel in a Cocktail Glass

robynl said...

Missi's Bullet Shots
1 pkg. Peach jello
2 cups boiling water
Peach Schnapps
serve in shot glasses

Mix jello and boiling water. Once cooled down add Peach Schnapps to suit your taste. Pour in shot glasses and 'slurp it back'.

I used to love this:(I give it the name of:
Dark Creamy Dreams
1 cup hot chocolate
Pour in Peach Schnapps
top with Whipped Cream

Caffey said...

One more then I'll stop, ROFL (I'm having too much fun! And I remember you mentioned in your post about needing this sort of inducing drink:

Milk of Amnesia Recipe
5 oz Champagne
2 jiggers Raspberry Liqueur
Add ice cold champagne to a champagne flute, and slowly add chilled chambord until desired raspberry flavor is achieved. Stir gently, and serve.

Serve Milk of Amnesia in a Champagne Flute


Amnesia Recipe
1/2 oz Bacardi Limon Rum
1/2 oz DeKuyper Island Blue Pucker
1/2 oz Watermelon Schnapps
1/3 oz Orange Juice
3 splashes Pineapple Juice
Combine both the watermelon and grape-flavored schnapps, Bacardi limon, orange juice and pineapple juice in an old-fashioned glass. Serve.

Serve Amnesia in a Old-Fashioned Glass

Just love visiting here. The humor of you all and your books are dear to me! And looking forward to all of yours (I'm so far hooked on Christie and have a list of the others!

Unknown said...

Very interesting read! Although i have to say i am more of stirred martini man myself. Top mixologists will go with stirred. The flavour is more balanced and less bitter than the shaken.

Does shaking get it colder? Yes, a bit. You need to work a little more at stirring longer, with the right sized and amount of ice. Or even stirring it ina tin rather than glass. Ideally, you want it cold and diluted, but not too much of either that the flavours will be masked.

Great video here: http://www.beefeatergin.com/mixology/video.php?video=drymartini