Thursday, July 02, 2009

Dumpster Diving With Bullet Hole

I know. I'm late posting But I have a really, really good reason yet again. Exhibit A? The filled dumpster above that was delivered around 8 A.M. this morning. While I'm not certain this was the 'family time' my kids had in mind, it was certainly a family affair getting the monstrosity loaded. And not without a few--shall we say 'tense' moments. The first was when I informed the two children helping out that I intended to dismantle, demolish, or otherwise deconstruct not one but TWO rather intimidating shelving units--one in the bay of the garage and the other in my garage 'getaway' office.

My two reluctant laborers looked at me with the same puzzled-amazed-troubled look I get when I step on the scale at the doctor's office--the only time I step on a scale.

"You're tearing them both down?" the offspring asked.

I nodded. "Isn't it great? It will free up so much more space! Run and get the sledgehammer!"

My son's eyebrows met in the middle. "The same sledgehammer you pulverized the loveseat in the basement with a few days ago?" he asked.

I beamed at him. "That's the one."

My daughter who had missed out on that demo project looked at me just long enough to see I was serious and then took a step back.

"I think I need to change my shoes then," she said, looking down at her flip flops. "If I want to keep all my toes, that is."

"I think that's a good idea," I told her. "This could get a wee bit messy. You can borrow a pair of my steel-toed shoes," I offered. She declined.

At this point I must praise the previous owner of my home for the quality of his craftmanship on the garage shelves although 'praise' wasn't spilling forth from my lips as I did battle with his diabolical constructions. They were worthy competitors, but alas no match for one determined former cop armed with a sledgehammer and visions of pulling her truck into the garage without having to suck in her gut to get out the driver's door.

With the first gi-normous shelving unit out of the way and most of the soggy, ruined items from the basement loaded into the dumpster we had one more unit to go: an 8 foot long counter-type wall unit.

"I don't think there's going to be room in the dumpster for that one," my son suggested, a pitiful look of hope on his boyish face. "It's almost full."

"Oh ye of little faith," I responded. "There's plenty of room. All we need to do is---"

"I know. I know," my son said. "Grab the sledgehammer and start whopping on it."

I smiled. I'd taught him well.

Once that rather intimidating piece was beaten into submission and loaded, it was my daughter's turn.

"That's it. Right? It's full. Right?"

I chewed my lip and walked over to the shed.

"You know. I bet we can get these old lawn chairs squeezed in. Oh! And here's that ancient push mower! Let's just see if we can get the handle off and stuff it in, as well."

By this time my 'laborers' were getting a bit testy.

I'd just spotted a couple of old planters in the shed when a swarm of wasps suddenly dive-bombed right at my face, sending me flying out the shed door and down the middle of the street batting at the top of my head.

"Uh, if you guys think we're good to go, then we're good to go," I said, running a hand through my hair just to make sure nobody had hitched a ride.

I crossed my arms and looked at the overflowing dumpster and grinned. We'd loaded it in less than four hours.

Gotta be a record.

"Aren't you gonna call them to come get the dumpster?" my son asked, no doubt thinking the longer I had it, the more I'd find around the house that needed to be put in it.

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" I said, going over each room in my head to make sure I hadn't missed something deserving of a trip to the local landfill.

Hmmm. Maybe that old television stand...


"I'm calling! I'm calling!"

Two hours later they picked up the dumpster.

Now you see it. Now you don't.

I walked into my now roomy garage bay and sighed. Decluttering is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Okay. So it took a flood to get me to Nirvana. I'm here just the same. Now I can relax and enjoy the 4th of July.

Oh wait. I work the 4th.

Ah, heck. At least I'll be there for the fireworks. And knowing me, you can usually count on fireworks!

So, how are you spending Independence Day this year? Are you working? (I feel your pain.) Camping? Spending time on a special long-weekend project? Visiting relatives? Going somewhere scenic or fun? Staying home and relaxing? How will you be celebrating this greatest country on God's green earth's special day?

Happy Independence Day from all of us here in the Heartland! Be safe.

~Bullet Hole~


Tori Lennox said...

You should have taken before & after pictures!

We're doing absolutely nothing for the 4th. Well, staying inside where it's cool and relatively bug-free, anyway. :)

Estella said...

Going to a barbecue at my daughter's house---all of 15 blocks away.

Kathy Bacus said...

I know, Tori! I thought about doing just that but time got away from me.

You know. The idea of doing absolutely zippo for the 4th has incredible appeal to me. We're 'supposed' to have nice weather. We'll see...

Happy Indy Day!


Kathy Bacus said...

Enjoy the barbecue, Estella. So nice not to have to travel great distances, too. Too many 'Smokey Bears' on the roads. And clueless drivers...

Have a fab Fourth!


Refhater said...

LOL, That sledge hammer sounds almost theraputic. I might have to borrow it after the last couple days.

We're spending the holiday weekend taking care of my dad who had emergency surgery yesterday. (He's going to be ok, thank God!)

On the 4th itself, we're having the crew of 14 odd relatives over for a cook out. And most likely a Cribbage and/or Euchre tournament or two.

Have a safe and Happy 4th of July everyone.

Becky LeJeune said...

Demo and dumpster loading is kind of sounding therapeutic to me at the moment as well(not the wasps, though). The 4th will probably be like any other day for me, being lazy or minorly (is that a word?) productive and then feeling really guilty about it. So neither working or relaxing - thinking about working.

Kathy Bacus said...

Gotta tell you, Refhater, never underestimate the emotional benefits of wielding a heavy-duty sledgehammer. Nothing like beating away at something 'til you'r heart's content to get all that 'stuff' we contend with daily down to a manageable level.

Sounds like you're going to have a pretty large get-together on the July 4th. There's something intrinsically 'right' about enjoying All-American good times with family and friends as we celebrate our nation's beginnings.

Happy Fourth!


Kathy Bacus said...

I battle the 'guilt' thing, as well, Becky. I always think I need to be doing something productive rather than spend a day relaxing. I guess we need to remind ourselves from time to time that it's okay to goof off once in a while.

I'm penciling in a 'guilt-free goof off' day for a week from this coming Saturday when I plan to spend the day reading Crime Scene Christie's and The Assassin's latest releases.

I can't wait!

~Bullet Hole~

Bookmobiler said...

"The same sledgehammer you pulverized the loveseat in the basement with a few days ago?"

Maybe you should consider mounting it on the now cleared wall of the garage. You know, like those emergency fire axes.

Like you I have to work on the Fourth but I get a compensating day off later in my work week.

I get of early enough on the Fourth to have time to celebrate - by vegging out!

Have a safe and happy Fourth.

Kathy Bacus said...

As much as I seem to be using the sledgehammer recently, I really do need to keep it easily accessible, Bookmobiler.

I work a ten hour shift but, like you, I'll be home in time to enjoy the evening's festivities. I have an awesome view of the fireworks from my front yard so that's where I'll be tomorrow evening.

Happy Independence Day!

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