Wednesday, August 31, 2011

He's Funnier Than Me...

Todd was Tom's Stand-in for Jack's Pinewood Derby When Tom Was In Iraq.

So, my pal, Todd Welvaert goes black powder shooting with my husband and kids. And this was his post on Facebook:

"Shot a .50 caliber black powder flintlock rifle for the first time. I would encourage anyone who is a fan of history to do this. Amazing, thanks Tom. It goes like this. Aim, pull the trigger and try not to scream like a girl when the flint drops into the powder tray and produces a mammoth fireball about 2 inches in front of your face. Count two, feel the rifle kick and (when the smoke clears) see you've missed your target by about 6 inches. Be stupid happy you hit anything at all. Think about what it must of have been like to face a British charge with this in your hands. Be amazed our founding fathers could hear anything over their huge, clanging brass balls."

He's funnier than me. He's also a better writer, but he won't finish his book. I've known Todd and his wife Lisa for 24 years now. He's known my husband since cub scouts.

Todd's the guy who took my author head shot and the guy I used for this squib, Chapter 13 of STAND BY YOUR HITMAN:

"If I ran for a position of leadership in this town, my platform would be, 'A howler monkey in every home,' because nothing says community like a whole mess of howler monkeys."

See, he's funnier than me. And I wish he'd finish his damned book. My husband has threatened to just show up at his house with duct tape and a shotgun, to drive him to some remote hotel and keep him locked up until he finished it.

Ever have a friend like this? Someone you know actually has a good book inside them, but refuses to finish it? It's a pain in the ass, because there are so many out there who will finish a book, who SHOULDN'T finish a book.

If you have any ideas on motivating this guy, let me know. You think my books are funny - this guy would blow your mind.

The Assassin


Terri Osburn said...

Todd sounds like a cool guy. AND that reminds me of what it would look like should I ever get recruited for the show Top Shot. (I hate guns but for some reason cannot shake my fascination with this series.)

I DO have friends like that. *glares toward the midwest* And I've known the other kind too. One writer I knew wrote like half a dozen books and continued to argue she did not need conflict to write a novel.


Leslie Langtry said...

Top Shot is addictive. I always laugh when they hold up the gift card as a reward.

Terri Osburn said...

I know! The fact I can't think of one thing I'd buy in a Bass Pro Shops is further proof I should not like that show. And yet...

Leslie Langtry said...

It's the host. Right? You're crushin' on the host. For me, it's the guns.

Terri Osburn said...

You know me so well. Colby is adorable!

Marnee Bailey said...

You guys completely lost me at Top Shot.

But Todd sounds like he needs to write, as a public service.

I do have a friend like this. One of those people who's so smart she's scary and she has the bravery to use her intelligence to make smart-ass comments.

She's in vet school at Penn right now and her profile pic last month was her, shoulder deep in some cow's butt. The caption says, "There's nothing on my mind."

See? That's gold, right there.

Maureen said...

Friends who don't finish books? I could field a softball team! And I have no way to motivate them. I even pre-pitched a book for someone about Adam and Eve (ahem) and told her the editor's eyes lit up!

Did it work? Noooooo!

Howler monkeys would bring a community together, it is true.

Sin said...

I hear Undead Monkeys really bring a community together too. At least they unite a ship under one cause.

I have friends like this. The GPS is really hilarious and needs to finish something else I will grab my fairy wand and beat her within an inch of her life. Because that's what friends are for, right?

Leslie Langtry said...

Marnee - I want to see that photo.
And yes, Sin, that's what friends are for!

Hellie Sinclair said...

OMG, that was like my favorite quote from Stand By Your Hitman. I was laughing so hard at that line, I read it to everyone I met. I'd flip back pages and go, "Wait, wait, you have to listen to this." And then I'd read it to them. Of course, most of them didn't get the brilliance of it, but I had to read it to them anyway.

Love the Facebook post about shooting black powder. *LOL* I knew all those Founding Fathers were so much better at everything than we were. They'd probably hate our guns. "Where's the challenge?"

Um...I think I am that friend. *LOL* But I do also have a friend--Jackie--who I think is screamingly funny and can write and won't do it. Makes me crazy.

Hellie Sinclair said...

Is this rag on Hellion day? *LOL* Geez, people.

Leslie Langtry said...

No, it's "ENCOURAGE" Hellie day!