Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Son of Leslie Langtry


Last night, my ten-year old son, fruit of my loins, wait...do women have loins? Anyway, he lost his phone. It isn't that unusual. Jack loses all of his electronic devices. The Nintendo only visits occaisionally and never shows up at the same time as the charger. The cell phone is always dead or set to silence, level 11. And Jimmy Hoffa has a better chance of being located than the Game Boy.


Where do these things go? In most cases, it is swallowed whole by the evil sectional of doom. I really hate that couch. We had the carpets and furniture cleaned once and they took it apart. No one has EVER been able to put that thing back together.


Anyway, logic dictates (at least to me, in my head, with a voice that sounds like Patrick Warburton for some reason) that whatever is missing will be found there. And here is how most conversations about that go:


Jack: Mom, I can't find my cell phone/Game Boy/Nintendo/Dead hooker.


Me: Look in the sectional.


Jack: I DID! I stuck my hand in the cracks and everything!


Me: Get a flashlight and look again - it's always there.


Jack: BUT I DID AND IT'S NOT THERE!


Me: (yelling) Margaret! Come help your brother find his cell phone/Game Boy/Nintendo/Dead hooker!


In the end, here is what happens. I...that is ME...I get the flashlight and pull apart the sectional while lying on my stomach, chin deep in Pug hair. Last night I found a pair of Jack's dirty underwear, one of Jack's dirty socks, (what does that boy DO in the family room?), a gallon baggie full of Lucky Charms and a full but opened on one end Pixie Stix (which Jack held up to look in and poured sugar in his eye - BTW - not as painful as salt, apparently).


We found the phone forty-three minutes and two seconds later. It was right where I said it was. It was right where he'd looked. I'm having it surgically implanted in his hip.


Please tell me this stuff happens to you.


The Assassin

23 comments:

krisgils33 said...

that is too funny. but you didn't say what is up with the cave dwelling picture.

we don't allow dead hookers in my house, so I have no idea how long it would take to find one.

Leslie Langtry said...

We usually have that rule too.
1) No dead hookers
2) No one uses a sharpie unless they have a postgraduate degree.

The drawing is one of Jack's - it's a tribe of warrior elves, appaently.

Colleen said...

Laughing my head off - but only because my college kid is now out of the house. (Which just means his goofs are more expensive!)

Brought back great memories, though. And ROFL on the dead hookers.

Colleen Thompson

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Usually, whatever my children have lost is right where I said it would be and close enough to bite them yet they never find it until Mom comes to save the day.

LOL on the Pixie dust in the eye!

Leslie Langtry said...

Colleen, I'd be willing to bet he'd call you one day and ask where something is in his dorm room.

Leslie Langtry said...

Jenyfer, I think it is to my credit he didn't know what a Pixie Stix was. I've always confiscated them at Halloween before they saw them. If they knew it was pure sugar, they would NEVER SLEEP.

Christie Craig said...

Oh Leslie,

I think it might be a male thing. My hubby and son are the same way. My hubby says the uterus is actually a device that helps women find things. But when I lost my uterus, he decided it was the ovaries. LOL.

Love it.

Thanks for the chuckle.

CC

Leslie Langtry said...

LOL Christie! I remember Mr. Assassin calling me once, years ago, when I was at work (30 miles from home - where he was). He asked me where the tablecloth was. I told him it was in the linen closet. He told me it wasn't. I told him I couldn't see from my desk. When I got home, it was right there, in the linen closet.

Janene Murphy said...

Okay, this time I'm the guilty one. Something could be right in front of me and I'll miss it. If my gaming-obsessed son happens to misplace the Nintendo DS he played four hours the day before, my eyes just seem to pass right over it, even though I do end up finally finding it in the big bowl on the top shelf of one of my kitchen cabinets. Strange really....

Sandy said...

LOL You're too crazy, CC. I will say this; they get this trait from their fathers. Grin.

Although, I will admit it's been happening more and more to me as I age. Ugh!

Leslie Langtry said...

Janene! You are the most organized person I know! How could this be?

Leslie Langtry said...

Sandy - I couldn't agree more!

Suzan Harden said...

No, Leslie. It's not just your guys. Which is why I threw a hissy-fit when SIL decided giving my nine-year-old an iPod Shuffle was a great idea. So yesterday, they both woke me up for the great iPod search. I pointed out I know where MY iPod is, and should either of them touch mine, they'd become shark bait.

TerriOsburn said...

Only two females in my house, so we only lose the remote. And occasionally the phone. Thankfully, that has a locating device.

Now, our male cat loses things. We have a closet at the bottom of the stairs we never open until winter. I opened it the other day and found 73 tiny wads of paper. Damn cat.

Leslie Langtry said...

Suzan, Jack lost his iPod shuffle years ago. No idea where it is. We call his room, The Abyss...

Leslie Langtry said...

Teri, okay, okay, I'll admit I bogart the remote a lot and am a bit culpable when it vanishes. But boy, do I raise hell when the kids lose it.

MsHellion said...

*LOL* Boys. I didn't reproduce so I don't know.

I do know that we used to frustrate Dad with this sort of crap. "Dad, I can't find my coat/library book/college diploma! I've looked EVERYWHERE." Dad will run down the litany of where it's likely to be: "It's in your bedroom, which you never clean. Even when you moved out." "I looked there!" Some days will pass, and then Dad will usually present me with the missing item. He always says, "Maybe this will do until you find it."

I think it's a parent/kid thing.

I lost my keys once...then realized horribly that I left them in the lock of my front door. All night. Swift.

Leslie Langtry said...

Hellie, you did that too??? I thought I was the only one who left her keys in the door overnight!

MsHellion said...

Oh, yes. On a rainy night, no less. *LOL* Wanted to make the burglar's job more efficient, I guess. Well, I don't really have anything to burgle. Make it easier for the rapist/murderer then.

krisgils33 said...

@Christy-
maybe your uterus is in between the sectionals at the Langtry house. (not funny that it's gone, but I thought it went well with the blog that you said you "lost" yours)

Leslie Langtry said...

Hellie, you set it up that way you drama pirate you!

Leslie Langtry said...

My brain joins my uterus in the sectional sometimes. So does my judgement.

Diane Kelly said...

Yay! I'm not alone!!!!! My son is the exact same way. When he tells me he can't find something that I'm reasonably sure is located right where I told him it was, I tell him that if I go to where I told him to look and find the darn thing, he loses his allowance for the week. That seems to work . . . sometimes.