Tuesday, December 08, 2009


Leona, you won the $10 gift card to Barnes and Noble. Please send me your snail mail address to christie (at) christie-Craig (dot) com.
Thanks everyone for playing along.

Below is part of the special feature that Dorchester posted on their website. I'm running a contest on who can tell me why they think they could be a Christie Craig character. The winner will win a soft, cuddly bathroad and a copy of my book. (See a picture of bathrobe at the site above) And I've only gotten a few essays. So come on, send me those short essays, approximately 400 words, at christie(at)christie-Craig (dot) com

Ten Requirements for a Christie Craig Character

Note: Only the Bravest Need Apply

1) Flaws, Wonderful Fabulous Flaws

Yeah, I know some people think heroes and heroines need to be gooder than grits, perfection at its best, to be the cream that pops up in a pot of homemade soup. But I’m here to tell you that I’ll take a flawed character over the do-gooder every time. Why? Because perfection and do-gooders are boring as watching toenails grow.

I need someone who is too stubborn for her own good, Divorced, Desperate and Delicious, someone who can’t stop fidgeting, Divorced, Desperate and Dating, someone who holds grudges for over 20 years, Divorced, Desperate and Deceived. I need characters who speak before they think, who put their tootsies in their mouths so many times that they have footprints on the roofs of their mouths. I need someone who makes mistakes, but is then willing to pay for them, because I never give my characters a break.

2) Lots of Emotional Baggage

I need something to work with here. Did your ex get caught on camera playing pin the secretary to the elevator wall? Did your ex decide he made a better girl than a guy and start waxing and wearing your thong underwear? Did your ex toss you aside for an old fat woman who didn’t even have money? If so, let’s sit down and have a heart to heart, because you just might be my kind of character.

3) A Willingness to Compromise, Improvise, and Be Flexible

You need to know from the get-go that nothing is going to happen the way you plan it to happen. That’s not going to be chocolate in that Godiva box. And honey, if you find yourself in a bad situation, weaponless, don’t just stand there and be a victim, find something to use. What about that singing fish hanging on the wall? Hey, have you ever seen what a toilet tank lid can do a man’s head? And for Pete’s sake, if you find a dead guy in the Porta-Potty, just pick yourself out a tree to do your business.

4) Secrets—The Dirtier, The Better

Did your mama swap husbands more often than she changed purses? Is your mama a bit of a teetotaler and a hypochondriac—and in truth you’re a bit like her? Was your daddy’s ugly mug on the most wanted list for the FBI? Hey, are you not who you say you are, but you’re really an undercover FBI agent hiding out in the Witness Protective Program? If so, boy howdy, do I have a position for you.

5) Family You Don’t Mind Poking Fun At

Now, I don’t want you to be mean, because you gotta love these people, but let’s face it, I write humor, and I’m gonna need someone who I can use for comedic relief. Plus, if you are being upfront about being flawed, there’s a good probability that you come by it naturally. The wormy apple never falls that far from the tree, if you understand what I’m saying. Plainly put, if you don’t have someone in your family tree I can poke a little fun at, then I’m gonna have to have all my fun with you, and that can be a hard row to hoe.

10) A Willingness To Risk It All

At times, just saying alive is gonna keep you busier that a cat covering up crap on a marble floor. And it’s gonna get really bad because there’s going to be a lot of crap hitting right at the end. Don’t blame me, it’s another thing my editor insists on. He calls it a black moment, only sometimes it last a hell of lot longer than a moment. You might even think death is imminent. The thing is, happily ever afters don’t come cheap. You gotta work for them. But here’s the thing, the promise I make to you and all my readers, you will get your happy ending. You’ll find the love of your life and when it’s all said and done, it’s gonna make one hell of a story.
Also leave a comment today and I'll pick one winner to receive a $10 gift card to Barnes & Noble.


Susan Helene Gottfried said...

No need to enter me, darling. I'm dropping in to let you know I've got this posted at Win a Book for you.

Kara said...

I just love Christie Craig...her books are hilarious.

Christie Craig said...

Thanks Susan! You're a doll.


Christie Craig said...

Thanks Kara!!!

I hope you'll enjoy DD&Deceived as much.


Edie Ramer said...

I need characters who speak before they think, who put their tootsies in their mouths so many times that they have footprints on the roofs of their mouths.

That's just one of the many phrases from this blog that was great. I love the way your mind works!

Loretta said...

Well Christie,I love this whole concept...am trying to decide if I'm brave enough to actually enter...(do you disclose the person's character you're using??) If you swear and spit you'll never divulge the mystery woman, I "might" give it serious thought:)
It's a great concept:) And as usual, your quips are delivered with a chuckle and.. sometimes a snort (from those of us, who suffer from that enamoring trait;):)

Ruth said...

I don't think I totally qualify, but I'm beginning to think you could create a new character type, "the "old" (I'd really like to delete that word, as I really don't think of myself as old) woman who has so many grandchildren she doesn't know what to do" since number 13 is on the way and due around the time of RWA Nationals. But it is a comedy of trial and error when I'm having to babysit 6 of the current 12 while moving furniture, painting the inside of kitchen cabinets, and planning for a college graduation party in the next week and a half is not something I wish to live through again. Did I mention that in those 6, one is 3 months old, one is 11 and 1/2 months old, two of them are 2 and two of them are 4. The trip to home depot could have aired on Funnist Videos. and I really wish I was the woman with 8 arms.
But I know there is hope in the form of escaping with a good book and I do love your books and your stories and as soon as I can get a few minutes to myself (or with only one child on my lap) I am going to read your lastest book.


Leona said...

I have enough baggage and family characters for lots of books (Its why I never run out of characters for my own writing :P) But I'm married. I could give you the basic character anyway, as I was at 26 before my second marriage. I had a medieval wedding for my second marriage so... yeah I've got some stuff you could use as I'd be strung from the nearest tree if I did it in my own writing.

Everything from betrayal to love :)

Christie Craig said...

Hi Edie,

Thanks girl. And hey, I love how my characters stick their feet in their mounths and just swallow. Don't we all wish we could have those kind of comebacks at the right time?

Thanks so much for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...


I will promise in spit that if you enter and win I will post it anonymously.

I'll bet you'd make a perfect CC heroine. You sure got the southern accent down.


Christie Craig said...


You are hipest, youngest grandmother I know. I wish I could have been at Home Depot to have witnessed it.

Thanks so much for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...


A midevil wedding? Wow. How cool is that. You have to enter the contest, I'll bet you have lots of crazy going on in your life.


Kristi said...

Christie, 400 words can't possibly cover my disfunctional family and in-laws. If I had time I'd fill you in.

I do think I'm the most normal one though.

Virginia said...

I not sure I qualify but lately I seem to be screwing up everything I touch! I was putting up my Christmas tree the other and spent a few hour straighten out the limb and putting on the decorations and went to move it back and you guest it I turned it over. All the decorations landed in the floor and broke about half of them. Yep had to start all over again. I'm laughing about it now but was pretty mad at the time.

Leona said...

I sent it to email on web page and it was sent back to me. It's listed as dot net, but my gmail pulled up dot com from when I emailed you before. I'm resending it to dot com but you may look at that. Could be why you've only received a handful :) I will give you lots of details, including sending photos of my wedding if you like :)

For now, just sending the 399 words I wrote (had to take the title off as it went over :( LOL)

cheryl c said...

Christie, I really enjoyed reading this post. Thank you for giving me a good laugh. I am feeling a little holiday stress right now, so I NEEDED to laugh! :-)

I am looking forward to reading the winning entry. In fact, I hope that you post some runners-up excerpts, too. The more, the merrier!!!

Christie Craig said...


I feel like the normal one in my family, too. However, I don't they see it that way. LOL.

And hey, if it's a little long, I won't count off. I know all about being too wordy. Just ask my editor who keeps reminding me that my could be 20,000 words shorter.


Christie Craig said...


I know what you mean. I'm not in a klutzy stage right now, but there are times, it seems I break everything I touch. One week I broke at least four wine glasses. And I promise I wasn't drinking too much.

Ahh, and the Christmas tree? I have four cats, I usually spend hours making the tree perfect and they spend ten minutes destroying it. I don't why I do it, except I keep thinking they have outgrown the kitten stage.

Thanks for stopping by.


Christie Craig said...


It went through. Thanks a mil girl. I'll be announcing the winner around December 16th.

Have a great day and holiday.


Christie Craig said...

Hi Cheryl C.

Thanks so much for stopping by. I love doing this essay contests. And I'm tickled I gave you something to laugh about.

I'm thinking about trying to talk Santa into postponing Christmas for a few weeks so I can get everything done.


traveler said...

Thanks for this unique and entertaining post. I would love to enter since there is much to expose although the identities would have to be totally changed. What a fuss and hue and cry it would create. Love the idea.

catslady said...

I guess I can't apply since I'm not divorced although I probably should be lol. After 40 years of marriage all 10 topics are appropriate but I'm not a writer so I'd much rather read about it than write about it lol.

Jane said...

I love dirty secrets, but only when they don't involve me or my family.

Refhater said...

Couldn't wait til Christmas...Got my copy of the newest DD&D book last night.

Thanks for the laughs. It was a super crappy day today and I really needed something to smile about.

MsHellion said...

I'm telling you, every time I try to do this essay, it's like 3 times as long trying to fit everything in. The FAMILY is crazy; and I'm only crazy because of the nurture thing. I mean, when your physical welfare is dependent on adults, there's little escape. It's a Stockholm Syndrome thing. You're just trying to survive long enough to get out--and like Katie Holmes, you're never allowed far.

Sandy said...

Oh my gosh, CC, I nearly wet my pants laughing so hard.

Chelsea B. said...

Great post! Good luck to the people who enter! :-)

Christie Craig said...


You are free to change the names to protect the guilty. LOL. I'll post it under anonymous.

Thanks for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...

Hi Catslady,

After 40 years, I'm sure you have some stories to tell, too!!

Thanks for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...


LOL. The thing about dirty secrets is getting past them. But I tell you, my family has enough of them that I never have to go fishing for any when I write my books.

Thanks for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...


Ahh, I lov ya girl!! Thanks so much for the support. I hope you enjoy every page.


Christie Craig said...


You are too funny, girl.

Write the thing, even if it's long. I have a feeling you have a whole trunk of craziness in your life.

Thnaks for stopping in.

Oh...look at last week's winners, girl and email me you address.


Christie Craig said...


LOL. Thanks girl. Have a great evening... And stay dry. ;-)


Christie Craig said...

Chelsea B.

Thanks girl. Have a great day.


Anonymous said...

great things to know
love your book so funny
please count me in
kim h

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rachel said...

Thanks for the giveaway!