Monday, January 19, 2009

Why Fantasy Is Fun

I get a lot of jokes forwarded to me by friends/family/etc. Most of them I scan through and delete, but every once and a while one hits a nerve. One I read Saturday morning hit my funny nerve. In fact, a keyboard cleaning event was in order since I happened to have a mouth full of coffee when I got to the punch line, which, I might add, I never saw coming. I think that's the two things I like best about humor - when it's real or when it goes somewhere you never imagined. And since this joke is all about someone making up a story to entertain themselves, I thought I'd share:

TRIP TO WAL-MART....
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

So, have you ever made up a crazy story to pacify a nosy (or silly) person?

Deadly DeLeon

18 comments:

Christie Craig said...

Oh my gawd. I love it, Jana.

Hmm, have I made up a story to pacify anyone? Isn't that what we do for a living? LOL. But for a nosy person? I'm sure I have, but seriously, I save most creatiness for my books. Then there's the little issue that too many of my "true experiences" already raise a few eyebrows.

Thanks for the chuckle!

CC

Keri Ford said...

That's too funny.

My sister used to make stuff up when I was younger and I'd believe her. She still makes stuff up, but well, I'm older now.

As for strangers, nah, I would have just said, yep and went back to my squirming kid trying his hardest to play with the credit card thing while standing in the buggy.

Tori Lennox said...

We moved a lot when I was a kid and I always got the inevitable question "Was your dad in the military?" He wasn't. Just had a lot of job transfers. Anyway, when i was an adult and people asked that, I started telling them we were gypsies. I was always amazed at how many people actually believed that! *g*

Terry S said...

I appreciate humor in all forms but really don't have the imagination to concoct stories. My own funny stories are based on true events in my life.

I think my appreciation of this particular story is its initial appearance of being true, not a joke. It reminds me of another old favorite of mine about the old man coming across three naked women cavorting in a pond on his property. Short version - Before he can say a word, they state he is a dirty old man voyeur and are stubborn in their contention they are not coming out while he is there. He indicates the pail in his hand and says "That's okay, I'll leave. I only came to feed the alligator anyway." As all three exit screaming from the pond, he adds "I'm old, not stupid."

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Christie - yes, I hope we're doing that for a living. Well, that and writing technical manuals for me and I better not be lying on those - the customers would not find it funny at all.

And you make a valid point. Your true stories are enough for most people. I don't suppose you have the need to make any up. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Keri - so what is your sister making up stories about now? I'm intrigued.

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL tori - I would have loved to hear you tell a gypsy story! What a hoot.

Jana DeLeon said...

ROFLOL Terry!!! Definitely not stupid! And yes, I agree with you - part of the charm of the joke is that it doesn't sound like a joke. And I really NEVER saw that whole butt-sniffing thing coming. :)

Gemma Halliday said...

Ha! Priceless, Jana! I love it!

I can't say I make up stories to strangers, but whenever someone a little over-chatty asks me where I get my ideas for characters, I always tell them, "From people like you." Great conversation ender.

~Gemma

Keri Ford said...

The last tale my sister told me was the tale she got me to believe. Her and my stepdad was in on it together. They told me I was adopted! There's no telling what all else they told me to get me to believe it, all I remember is they kept telling me I was adopted.

Now, I should have known better because I'm the spitting image of my mom and grandma-and have been told so my whole life, but no matter. I believed them. I don't remember my age, probably around 7, really not sure. I was in tears, running to my mom asking if it was true.

Mom scolded them both pretty good if I remember correctly.

Keri Ford said...

Oops, that should be,

The last tale my sister told me was the last tale I believed.

Lucy said...

I used to buy a month's worth of dog food at a time. I had two big dogs and they each got a can of dog food a day and I'd buy the largest bag of dog food they had, along with a month's supply of doggy treats. When I'd get asked if I had a dog I'd get a look on my face like the question came out of left field for me...like I couldn't understand why they'd ask something like that and just say, "No. Why?" The reactions I would get were great. I told that to my mother and step-father one time and the next time they got asked that in the store they told the person that no they didn't have a dog...they were the food testers for Alpo.

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Gemma!!!!! I am SO going to use that sometime!

Jana DeLeon said...

Keri - well that's just wrong. I bet your mom put them both in the doghouse. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Lucy - I have three large cats and buy large size in bulk also - food and litter. I sometimes get that question and wonder what the heck people think I have at home....a tiger?

Estella said...

I buy food and litter for 5 cats--a whole months worth at a time. When I am questioned I tell them it is for my grandkids, who think they are lions. They think they are lions from watching Diego.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I don't normally think fast enough to make up stories, but my sister and I were in a really goofy and giggly mood when we were at the grocery store together last month. I gave the cashier the cash for my purchase and she stopped to look at the coin (an Alaskan quarter) so my sister said "what? did she give you an Egyptian coin?" I didn't, but then the cashier inquired where I was from. My sister told her Egypt. The cashier looked at me and asked what I did in Egypt, did I dig stuff up?

I looked at her and said (in a voice no one could have mistaken for serious), "Yes, I'm an archaeologist."

(Which of course made my sister and I laugh til we cried for some reason.)

My sister then told her that in fact I was a SAHM, a writer, a quilter and a librarian, NOT an archeologist.

The poor cashier - she listened to us patiently and then said. "No, really. What do you do?"

(I suppose you had to be there!!)

catslady said...

I haven't but I love yours. I am totally gullible and would have believed you too. I fall for everything lol.

Keri - maybe you and I are sisters - I got told the exact same tale and I look just like mine too!!!!! My neighbor told her brother that we had Indians up on our hill and he believed her! Older siblings...

And I have 6 cats so I'm going to see if I have the nerve to use some of your lines when I get asked that silly question.