What's Wrong With This Picture?

Okay. Help me out here ‘cause I must be missing something. Those of us who write—whether published or not—understand the odds against making enough to support ourselves solely from our writing aren’t that encouraging. Who among us hasn’t dreamed we’ll be the next Nora Roberts, Janet Evanovich, or Stephen King and be offered a hefty advance for that ‘break out book’.

And written a nice long list of just what we’ll do when we hit it big.

We dare to dream. And dream big. That’s what writers do.

But in addition to the dreaming, writers put in the work—the hard work—of learning the craft of writing. They pay their dues. Writing courses, workshops, conferences, contests, drafts one through ninety-nine, query letters, synopses, rejections, new projects, more rejections.

It’s brutal, baby.

And after all that work and sacrifice and dedication, if you’re one of the lucky ones, you might just win that contest, or receive a request for a full from an agent or editor, or nab an agent, or receive a publishing contract offer.

If you’re lucky…

And it doesn’t happen overnight. It can take a LONG time. It took seven years for me to finally get published. Seven very long years.

So, it was with a certain feeling of—shall we say—consternation (I love that word!) that I received the recent news about Joe the Plumber being offered a book contract to pen his memoir, ‘Joe the Plumber, Fighting for the American Dream.’

American Dream? Uh, he’s a plumber. Or not. Depending on who you listen to.

Now ‘Joe’ might very well be a wonderful writer. I have no way of knowing one way or the other, but it’s a pretty safe bet he hasn’t paid his dues (no, not the plumbers’ union dues) as detailed above. With so many writers working day jobs, writing at night, and caring for a family (uh, yeah, that would be me, Joe) and after an endless erray of short nights, big sacrifices, and jarring disappointments, the idea that ‘Joe’ can bring something to the table relating to the struggle to achieve the ‘American Dream’ that many of us who write and write faithfully haven’t experienced firsthand let alone present it in a compelling way on the printed page leaves me a bit, uh, skeptical.

Still, he'll almost certainly be paid for his literary efforts.

All I can say is, WHAT A COUNTRY!

It gets even better. This evening I turned on the TV only to learn that Britney Spears has signed her own book contract. Her deal? FOURTEEN MILLION DOLLARS for THREE BOOKS.
That’s right. $14,000,000.00! Britney plans to pen her tomes from her journals.

Does that scare you as much as it scares me?

Laura Bush recently shopped her memoir around and Scribner, an imprint of Simon and Schuster, acquired the as-yet-untitled project. Although financial terms were not disclosed, it’s believed that the former First Lady will receive a sum similar to Hillary Clinton’s pay day for her book, or a paltry $8,000,000.00.

At least I feel confident that Laura Bush, a former teacher with a Master’s Degree in Library Science, is capable of writing a pretty decent book.

Maybe it’s just me, but with the publishing industry hitting hard financial times and facing tough business decisions, with publishing houses reorganizing and reshuffling, advances shrinking, lists shrinking, and less resources to go around, I tend to get a little irritated when I hear about these beaucoup buck publishing deals offered to non-writer celebs while thousands of dedicated, intensely committed, highly driven and focused writers will never get ‘the call’ and, regrettably, eventually give up. Or mid-list authors’ already low advances will drop even lower. Or co-op bucks will dry up even more.

It’s hard not to get down, isn’t it?

Still the constants that don’t change--outrageous pop culture book deals notwithstanding--are the deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment all writers feel when the words are flowing and result is satisfying and the sense of community we share with fellow writers--writers who understand the compulsion to create worlds and characters and stories and who are willing—even eager—to pay their dues in order to ‘live the dream’. That's a high the well-paid celeb 'authors' probably won't experience.

Still, I suppose depositing that advance check is probably some consolation.

Now, what do you all think of the huge advances still being paid to ‘celebrities’? Are they appropriate or outrageous? As a writer, how do you stay focused, upbeat, and keep putting words on the page when the industry is beset by economic woes that affect your ability to sell or earn a reasonable amount for your efforts? Are publishing houses being irresponsible with these gy-normous advances or just conducting business as usual? Weigh in!

Oh, and in the interest of full transparency here, if any publishing houses out there are thinking of offering me one of those hefty advances…I’d sign on the dotted line in a heartbeat.

As Tressa Jayne would say, “My momma didn’t raise no dummy.”

~Bullet Hole Bacus~