Friday, August 24, 2007

The Date

Okay, as promised, here is the recap of my date with Lawyer Boy. I was scheduled to meet him for coffee on Sunday afternoon. Saturday, I went with some friends to a botanical garden. Very cool place, lots of flowers, trees, and other growy things. Had a great time, smelled tons of flowers. Sunday morning I wake up, roll out of bed, slip into my fuzzy leopard print slippers and shuffle to the kitchen for coffee. I pass a mirror in the hallway. I do a double take. Then scream. My entire face has swollen to almost twice its size! Apparently I’m highly allergic to one of the lovely flowers I sniffed yesterday. I look like a cartoon bee sting victim – my eyes are swollen shut, my nose looks like Marcia Brady’s after being hit by a football, and my lips, well, okay, my lips look like Angelina Jolie’s, which isn’t altogether a bad thing. But put all together and I look like Quasimoto. On a bad day. I forget the coffee, instead running upstairs for the medicine cabinet and downing a couple of antihistamine pills. I dump allergy drop sin my eyes, grab an ice pack and lay down, trying not to cry, because I know this will only make the swelling worse, as I weigh my options. Option #1: I can call Lawyer Boy and cancel, hoping he doesn’t think I’m blowing him off, and spend the afternoon in the emergency room with all the other people unlucky enough to get sick on a Sunday. Option #2: Throw on some distractingly high heels and thick eye make-up and go on the date anyway.

I get up and look in the mirror. The swelling is going down. Slightly. It’s not likely to get any worse and there’s no constriction to my airways. Medically speaking, I’m probably okay, just hideously disfigured while the allergen works it’s way out of my system. Okay, I can do this. I’m going on the date. Allergic reactions are a great ice-breaker, right?

Fast forward three hours (and many antihistamine pills) later. I arrive at the coffee shop early, apply another layer of mascara and find a dark-ish table to sit at while I wait for him to show up. He does. And he’s such a nice guy he doesn’t even mention my still slightly swollen face. Amazingly, he’s clean, well kept, intelligent. Very cute eyes – dark brown, lots of lashes. But, my attention is immediately riveted to his hair. And I’m not talking about the hair on his head. I’m talking body hair. Lots of it. Thick, black arm hair, leg hair, and (the factor that puts my squick radar on high alert) back hair peeking out the collar of his shirt. And I can’t help staring. I have to force myself to concentrate on what he’s saying because the hair is so distracting. As much as he seems like a nice guy, all I can think about is how he probably has to blow-dry his entire body every morning when he gets out of the shower.

The irony is not lost on me that I’ve spent the entire day worrying about looking like Stay Puff woman, only to be unable to get past his looks. But, there you have it. As much as I want to (and, trust me, I want to - he’s an intelligent successful attorney for crying out loud, how much more of a catch could he be?) I just can’t get past the hair. Generally, I don’t think of myself as a terribly shallow person, but after spending an entire day focused first on my looks, then on his, I’m starting to wonder. Please tell me I’m not the only one who would walk away from Lawyer Boy. One a scale of one to ten, when it comes to the opposite sex, how important are looks to you? Sadly, I'm ashamed to say it, but I think I'm hitting a nine.

~Trigger Happy Halliday


Blondie0409 said...

Okay girl I have to say you brightened my day by a long shot! You're life seems like one of those comedy sit-com shows. I can only imagine waking up to find yourself blown up like a balloon.

Well anyway, after reading that it's obvious it wasn't meant to be. I mean come on...what are the odd's that you brake out and swell on the day of “the date”. It's a sign that it wouldn't have worked out. And then you go there to find out he's got enough hair to classify him as a's not you're fault you're not attracted to the hairy men type.

Oh one last thing too, looks are important when searching for “the one”...if you're going to be stuck looking at someone for the rest of you're life, you better have a nice (:

Hellie Sinclair said...

I'm not attracted to hairy men either...or at least overly hairy men. Run from Bigfoot! There are many more lawyers out there you could go out with.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. I agree with Blondie about having to look at someone long term. You should be able to enjoy the view. :)

Gemma Halliday said...

Thank you! See, I was starting to feel really superficial there. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

And, yeah, I swear these things only happen to me. Sigh. It’s no wonder I need so much retail therapy. ;)


Hellie Sinclair said...

It could have been worse, Gemma. You could have met a guy for coffee, and the first thing he does upon you getting your caramel grande skim is whip out his phone to show you videos of him shooting a pig. Then of the pig dying. Then get a lecture about "People don't know where their meat comes from."

OR, better--go on a couple dates with what seems to be a normal, though maybe sensitive guy--only to have him break up with you by saying, "I'm looking for a love like the Titanic and you're not it." Then bursts into tears so you have to comfort him long enough so you can bolt from the house.

OR, best, in the middle of sex, have the guy burst into tears and say, "You're right, I was just using you for sex."

I can't make this crap up.

Christie Craig said...


LOL! You make me happy to be married to my spot-remover of a husband!
Ugg, dating is so hard. And you're not being terrible, you are simply being selective of whom you invite into your life. I'm sure there's some woman out there who would love Hairy the lawyer and wouldn't mind cleaning out the bathtub drain after he showers. You're just not that woman.

Hmmm...this whole blog brings a new visual to running your fingers through his hair. ;-)


CrystalGB said...

I don't like overly hairy men either. I would have dwelled on the body hair and would have been wanting to send him for a good waxing.

Anonymous said...

Great story, Gemma!

I'm of the belief that you can't force attraction. It's either there or it's not. And if you keep going out with someone, just because you feel like you "should" be attracted, well, you'll only end up hurting them later.

Life is short. And while stopping to smell the flowers certainly backfired on you, it really is important to hold out for the right guy.

Estella said...

I don't like hairy men either.

Kathy Bacus said...

Just how many antihistimines did you consume, Gemma? :) Maybe he wasn't as bad--and furry--as all that. 'Cause I'm getting this disturbing mental image of Disney gone really bad. Quasimoto meets the Beast.

And I agree with everyone else. In order for a relationship to blossom (Oops! Sorry, Gemma--poor choice of words there considering your little allergic episode)there has to be a physical attraction. Unless you plan to wear protective eyewear while being intimate, that is. Of course, some people find blindfolds sexy...!


Shel said...

Looks are important, but furry back hair is a deal breaker...

I'm glad it wasn't too horrible an experience.

Cherie J said...

You poor thing! What lousy timing for you to have an allergic reaction. The hair would be a turnoff for me as well. I just don't find it attractive. Don't worry! There are other fish in the sea. It took me awhile to find my Mr. Right.

Gemma Halliday said...

Um, CC – ewwwwww! Just, ew.

Yeah, I won’t be stopping to smell the flowers again anytime soon. Bad idea. By the way, the swelling did go down eventually. Thank God! Chipmunk cheeks are not an attractive look on me.

So, I’m glad to hear you all would have walked away from Wookie Boy, too. Somewhere, somehow, there is a woman who will lovingly wax his back hair, but it just ain’t me. Moderate amount of body hair is now on my top ten attributes I’m looking for in a guy.


Gemma Halliday said...

In the middle of sex, have the guy burst into tears and say, "You're right, I was just using you for sex."

OMG mshellion - this is just priceless! I'm sure it was far from funny at the time, but I laughed so hard I cried when I read this.


Allie Hollister said...

Gemma, the hair is nothing. I used to not take a second date if they chewed their food oddly, needed their fingernails trimmed, sounded even remotely needy, needed an appointment with the brow waxer, I didn't like their job, they weren't polite enough to the waitress, etc. God I was stupid picky!!! All the doctors, lawyers, professionals I could have married. And I wouldn't be running a restaurant in Iowa. lol
I guess you can overlook even the biggest distraction if you really like the guy. I mean I married my husband, and even though he thinks he's perfect, I can write a book on his faults. Okay, so he's nearly perfect.
But I have to agree wholeheartedly, NO HAIRY GUYS.

Leslie Langtry said...

Cut yourself some slack! If you were truly attracted to the guy - you wouldn't of minded his hair. Fact is - there was no chemistry. That's all! Being a woman and needing to feel guilty (or is that just what I do?) you are thinking it's the hair. It isn't. There was no attraction.

Bethany True said...

Ya' know, I'm not that big on looks. I mean I can overlook a lot.

Except hair. Especially hairy backs.

One of my friends told me how she had to VACUUM HER SHEETS every morning when her husband woke.


Anonymous said...

You really *are* Maddie! ;-) Have you thought about trolling the precincts for a hot cop?