Ransacking the Underwear Drawer by Diane Kelly

It’s no secret that people think accounting is one of the most boring, mundane jobs on the planet. But those on the inside know different.

Being an accountant allows you to ransack your clients’ underwear drawers.

Not literally, of course.
But figuratively.

When you review clients’ financial records, you learn more about them than you ever wanted to know. Their hopes and dreams. The issues that tug at their heartstrings. Their deepest, darkest secrets.

A client might make substantial charitable contributions to an animal welfare organization, while also providing a hotel receipt for a business trip on which he charged an in-room porn movie - proving he, too, is an animal. It’s a little embarrassing to explain that the IRS might frown on a deduction for “Debbie Does Dallas.”

A client might have set aside a tidy sum for his children’s college education, but have diverted an even tidier sum to the twinkie he’s keeping on the side. Naughty, naughty boy.

Financial records might show tuition paid to a Catholic girls’ school, along with payments to a pharmacy for a teenager’s birth control pills. Substantial donations to the church building fund along with substantial charges at The T & A Cabaret. Thousands spent on spa treatments but mere hundreds paid to the full-time nanny. Alimony and child support paid to a string of ex-wives by a client who routinely trades in his families for newer models.

Investments that tanked. Gambling losses. Get-rich-quick schemes that proved to be get-screwed-quick cons.

It’s all there in black and white in the financial records.
And, as they say, numbers don’t lie.

Diane’s debut novel starring an IRS agent will be released in September 2011. Details at www.dianekelly.com.