The Pirates I Have Dated

Yes, I have dated pirates. Plural.

Of course there was the one legged man who, before completely blowing me off, instantly made me think of peg legs and salty seas. But, short limbed as he was, I’ll admit, he wasn’t really a pirate.

Then there was this actor that I used to see who was actually in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He rubbed dirty elbows with Johnny Depp for weeks, pillaging and plundering the set until the extras all swooned. And, while his acting was top notch, I have to be honest. He wasn’t a real pirate either. (Yep, that’s really him. Trust me, totally hottie before wardrobe and make-up got to him!)

But, there is a another pirate.

This guy writes to me online. His pictures and profile are so atrocious that I blow him off. He writes again. And again. Finally he catches me in a weak (and caffeine deprived) moment and I agree to meet him for coffee. I get there, get my latte, and wait for him to arrive. He’s late, he got lost, calls me for directions. Sigh. I talk him in and finally he walks in the door. And, wow, am I sorry I spent days blowing him off. He’s adorable! Beautiful blue eyes (you girls know what a sucker I am for those), great smile, and fit. I mean super fit. He looks like he likes the gym way more than I do. I’m getting kind of excited now.

The date goes well, and – miracle of miracles – he actually calls the next day! He’s free that night, do I wanna go out to a movie? Normally, I like at least one day’s notice so I can go buy a cute new pair of shoes for a hot date, but since I really want that second date with him, I agree. He shows up looking yummy, smells great, whisks me off to a movie where he holds my hand the whole time. (Hear that? That’s my little heart going pitter patter.) I’m really starting to like this guy.

After the movie instead of going straight home, we sit and talk for awhile. A long while. Like, deep soul searching talk. (Ohmigod, he’s cute and he has a soul! Score!) I’m starting to get excited. I’m picturing kisses at sunset, long nights holding hands under the stars, white tulle, lace, and baby’s breath bridal bouquets. (What can I say, I have a vivid imagination.) And just when I’m picturing how beautiful our blue-eyed children would be… the bomb drops.

As we’re sitting in the semi-darkness, total romantic mood simmering in the air, he turns to me, stares deep into my eyes and tells me… he’s a pirate.

A what, now?

At first, I’m thinking he’s kidding. Like, “Oh, watch out me lady, or I’ll plunder ya’.” I giggle.

But he’s got that deadpanned face. He’s totally serious.
He tells me, “No, I was actually a modern day pirate.”

Me, I’m still a little sure he’s kidding. (Seriously, he’s so cute. Please tell me he’s kidding!) I say, “So, did you have a parrot?” Haha.

He shakes his head. Still deadpanned. “No. I had guard dogs.” He proceeds to tell me about his days on the ocean, living in his boat with his two viscous dogs. About how he would sail up to yachts on the open sea and board them, guns drawn, then steal whatever he wanted and sail away. Oh. My. Freaking. God. He really is a pirate!

At this point, all pitter pattering has silenced, the only thing running through my head, “Help!Help!Help!” I do big exaggerated yawn. (Wow, is getting late or are you just a PIRATE?!) and beg off further confessions with a “got an early morning ahead”. Thankfully, Captain Sparrow gets the hint and takes me home.

If I don’t post next week, you know he came back, kidnapped me, and has made me his wench.

Pass the rum.

~Trigger Happy Halliday


P.S. Michele L. – You’ve won last week’s signed copy of Dreams & Desires Vol. 1! Email me with your mailing address and I’ll get it out to you ASAP. gemmahalliday at gmail dot com.

P.P.S. – Check out my new interview at Romance Novel TV: http://romancenovel.tv