Friday, July 22, 2011

What To Expect...

Right after I let her in on some good news the other day (which I'll share on the blog ASAP, as soon as it's 100% official), my friend Ann said something like "I'd be peeing myself if I were you! And not because of weak pelvic floor muscles, either."

OK, that made me laugh. Thankfully I didn't leak any pee, even though I do have those weak pelvic floor muscles she was talking about. And it's a good thing I didn't because it would have made my diaper rash even worse.

Say whaaaaat?

Yup. I'm in my mid-30s, and I currently have diaper rash. My internal furnace combined with rapidly increasing thighs causes friction in the worst possible places. And the only thing helping is actually slathering myself up with the super-high zinc ointment diaper cream that I keep in my toddler's nursery.

Ah, yes, the beauty bonuses of pregnancy just keep on coming...

(Yes, this is an overshare. Deal with it.)

It's supposed to get to something ridiculous like 105 here today in DC. Now, when I used to live in Arizona, 105 was nothing. 105 was the weather we'd get in October. But 105 in Arizona is NOTHING like 105 in DC, I promise you. It's not just a cliche when they say "But it's a dry heat!" about the desert.

In 105 degrees in Arizona, you step outside and it feels like 10 hair dryers pointed at you. A blast of hot air, but you can take it for the short walk from your air conditioned house to your air conditioned car to your air conditioned office. It may be slightly uncomfortable as you reach for your bottle of water to quench your thirst, but it's entirely possible not to even break a sweat.

In DC, well, first of all, you're probably not taking your air conditioned car to work since parking costs like a gazillion dollars and traffic is so bad, so you get to suffer the long walk from your air conditioned house to the Metro station, then enjoy the stop-and-go trip packed in like those business men in those Japanese pod hotels with hundreds of other commuters (not to mention the crazy tourists with the SUV-sized strollers in the middle of rush hour -- come on, people! You're on vacay, sleep in!), only to melt when you get back out for the walk from the station to your air conditioned office.

In DC, 105 degrees feels more like you're drowning in a swamp. Which isn't really so far from the truth, considering as the nation's capitol actually was built on a swamp back in the day. But seriously, the humidity is so bad that the second you step outside, you feel like the Wicked Witch of the West when Dorothy pours water on her. (Which, incidentally, I've never quite understood...why does water cause her to melt? But I digress...)

With the ridiculous heat today, it would be the perfect time to just go nekkid, but unfortunately I have that thing called a day job to go to, and I don't think that would be very appropriate. So a sleeveless dress and diaper cream it is.

Hmmm...maybe it's time for me to get back to writing that cozy mystery about an 8-month pregnant sleuth that I was working on a few months ago. I definitely have some new funny moments in mind for her.

I get my body back in 4 months...but who's counting?

~ "Baby Face" Brice


Terri Osburn said...

I'm just south of you in Va Beach and they're talking heat index of 118. I had trouble breathing yesterday between to the office door and my car. It's as if the heat is strangling the oxygen right out of the air!

Sorry to hear about your preggo side effects. I had my daughter yrs ago this month and back then was living in AR. The temp was over 100 for 30 straight days that summer. Pretty much the entire month after she arrived.

At least by the time you're 9mos, it should be much cooler. :)

Terri Osburn said...

That was 12 yrs ago. Where did my numbers go?! LOL!

krisgils33 said...

I'm in DC area too and standing at the Metro station at 0630 this morning and wondering why I even bothered to shower. Not only do I love the tourists who don't sleep in, I love the people who actually don't bathe before heading out to ride on the Metro, and the high percentage of Metro cars that are blowing heat instead of AC. Kinda wishing this "heatastrophy" would go away and give us back a little "snowmaggedon"....just to cool things a smidge.

Anonymous said...

It's currently 100 here, but the heat index is making it 117. Oh joy.

Oh, and yes, it will definitely be cooler by the time I'm 9 fact, it'll be just in time for snowstorms. (My daughter was still in the NICU during the huge freak snowstorm we had 2 Decembers ago, and my city didn't see fit to plow the more than 2 feet of snow away from my neighborhood, so we couldn't visit her for 3 whole days.)

Anonymous said...

I should note that I'd LOVE to make it to 9 months. I never made it past 7 1/2 months last time...

Christie Craig said...

It bad being hot. Being pregnant and hot, that's enough to make a woman kill.

Hang in there.


Diane Kelly said...

Yeah, isn't being pregnant fun? NOT!!! Hey, if you want the baby to come early, do what I did. Walk around Disneyland for ten hours straight when you're about two weeks out from your due date. That baby'll drop fast! : )

Hope you survive the heat!!!

Kathy Bacus said...

My tiny rural hometown received the dubious distinction of having the highest 'feels like' temperature in this last week. The heat index was a suffocating 137 degrees.

We got a break from the heat Friday night: a tiny super cell storm formed over our county and hit us with damaging straight line winds. Twenty minutes later, it's miserably hot again.

The only weather we're getting is extreme weather.

Hugs on the summer heat plus a pregnancy. Hope you get a break in the heat wave soon!

Anonymous said...

Oy. 137? I'd die. Seriously.