Thursday, October 07, 2010

Why I Write

Those fortunate enough not to have been bitten by the writing bug often wonder what compels us authors to sit down at our computers, day after day, word after word, sore back after sore back. After some soul searching, I recently discovered there are three primary reasons why I write.

Reason #1: I enjoy the sense of power writing gives me.
In my real world, I can’t get my son to change his underwear or eat a vegetable, but when I sit down to write, my characters do exactly what I tell them, right when I tell them to do it. I decide whether my character will wear her faded blue jeans and a sweatshirt or the trashy mini-skirt and satin halter. She has absolutely no say in the matter. If I don’t like what a character is saying, I can cut him off in mid-sentence. I can give my characters a wedgie should I so choose. If my characters piss me off, I can arrange to have their throats slit. Yes, writing is power.

Reason #2: My life is pretty damn ordinary and writing allows me to experience things I never will in my “real” world.
Unless working part-time as a tax advisor, attending PTA meetings, and scrubbing toilets can be called fun, my life is pretty dull. But through my writing, I can sky dive into an active volcano and live to tell about it. I can scale Mount Everest wearing nothing but a bikini and a pair of flip flops. I can go on a European tour with an all-female punk rock band whose roadies are male underwear models. Yee-ha!

Reason #3: I’m a closet skank.
I’d never cheat on my husband, but after 19 years of marriage, our love life has become somewhat . . . um . . . er . . . predictable. Through my love scenes, however, I can vicariously sleep with dozens of sexy men and never risk contracting a disease or being served with divorce papers. If I’m in the mood for something exotic, Enrique comes to visit, rolling his R’s as we roll in the hay. Pierre is always good for a French kiss, and he makes French toast the morning after. For some down and dirty fun, a randy redneck in the bed of a pickup fits the bill. I can lose my virginity dozens of times, yet never lose my reputation. It doesn’t get much better than that!

5 comments:

Misha said...

Hahahaha I loved this post!

You can control your characters?

You lucky lucky lady.

;-)

krisgils33 said...

very funny. and thank you for writing...cuz I love reading!!!

Diane Kelly said...

Well, Misha, I admit that sometimes my characters do act up a bit. But if I threaten them with the "delete" button they usually wise up.
How in the world do you have time to write and go to school? That's amazing! Ever heard of Matthew Pearl ("The Last Dickens," "The Dante Club," and "The Poe Shadow")? He wrote his first book during his last year of law school. Wow!

Jana DeLeon said...

I would love a do-over. I'd so be Scully from the X-Files. (sigh)

Christie Craig said...

Diane,

I love it. Thanks for the laugh. I swear we're twins.

CC