Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Its The Most Vonderful Time of The Year!

Mwah, hah, hah, hah!

Halloween, baby! Woo hoo! I am a total spaz for Halloween! We decorate the house more than we do at any other time. I have more than a dozen animatronic characters, a haunted village that moves and makes noise, and my iPod has 3 separate Halloween playlists.

Here are a few things that frighten me most about Halloween this year:
  • Midterm Elections. Nothing strikes fear into my heart more. The politicians running for office are creepier than eating cheesecake at Hustler Hollywood (which I did once - shudder. Trust me, don't ever eat dessert where you can see and smell latex genitals). Anyway, the campaign ads make outrageous claims, "Bob Blarfandar eats human babies for breakfast and has sex with squirrels in front of the neighbors..." Or maybe that's just my state? You guys probably have normal candidates.

  • Slutty kid costumes. I've seen more midriff-baring, daisy duke-skirted, thigh-high wearing elementary school girls in stillettos than I ever need to see again. What is WRONG with parents? "Oh, look at Susie! We had to use makeup shading on her chest to give her cleavage, but isn't she adorable?" Funny how they react when I respond, "Actually, she looks like a five year-old whore...like the rest of the girls in her kindergarten class." When I snap and start sniping people from my roof, these parents will be the first to go.

  • Bad weather and bad weathermen. As temps and such begin to go south, we will vasilate between rain/mud and sleet/ice. Which means the weathermen will have all kinds of dire predictions, like, "The conditions are ripe for a Godzilla Attack in Henderson County tonight..." I mean, where exactly do you go hide from an iminent Godzilla attack? The basement is only good for tornados. Running around outside will get you eaten or fried. Why don't the weathermen actually prepare us for this stuff?

Well, that's my list of what's scary this year. What are you afraid of?

The Assassin

13 comments:

krisgils33 said...

I'm afraid that you might be right!! hahaha.

Very funny! thanks for sharing.

Christie Craig said...

Enjoy the decorating, Leslie. Halloween was my favorite holiday as a child. I have some decorations, but this year they are tucked away in the attic. Deadline ruined my Halloween. LOL. But I'll still go candy and hand it out.

CC

Angie Fox said...

Vampires. Everyone on my block is going to be a vampire this year - even my own kids. And now I'm jealous because I want to be one too. I can imagine what we're all going to look like running around Sunday night. At least we're not all zombies.

Robin Kaye said...

Happy Halloween! I love the decorations, the little kids and animals in cute costumes (I saw a baby that was dressed as a pea pod last year and I wanted a picture!) and the candy but that's where it stops. I'm a Hallo-weenie. I don't like being scared.

I remember when I was little, one of our neighbors put on one of those full latex masks that covered the back of his head too, He was on the ground, covered up with an old army blanket, he had fake blood on his hands and when my mom opened the door, he crawled into the house and grabbed her leg. He scared the crap out of all of us. I've been a Hallo-weenie ever since.

Diane Kelly said...

You had me at "latex genitals" . . . Urp! : )
My son is dressing as a chimp and his best friend is bravely bringing his banana suit back for an encore. Apparently, a few people last year were confused by the pointy top on the banana and thought he was dressed as the Grand Wizard of the KKK. Yikes!!!

TerriOsburn said...

I'm with Robin, do not like to be scared. Though not because I had a clearly psychotic neighbor. (Who does that?!) Just don't like it. Which makes me not a big fan of Halloween.

There is a circle near my house where some candidate put his signs all the freaking way around. Someone made their own sign and put "I'm [candidate] and I approve this landscaping." Finally, a sign that made me smile.

Kiddo is going as a rock chick, which though it's a lot of black eye liner and red lipstick, she's covered neck to toe so (mostly) appropriate for her age (11). :)

Leslie Langtry said...

You guys are so funny! I love having funny friends! My daughter is going as a zombie and my son is a gangster. I love Halloween but I don't like the gorey stuff. And I believe I mentioned my reaction to the smell of latex...

Robin Kaye said...

LOL - I'm allergic to Latex and Banana's--they're somehow related, and not just in this blog.

My ballerina is going as Abby on NCIS - She wants to dye her brown hair black now. When I asked her what Marcia - the director and grande dame of the best ballet school in the country-thought of it, Twinkle Toes informed me that Marcia would never know the difference. After all, every time Marcia sees Twinkle Toes her hair is in a bun and wet from sweat so it looks black anyway.

Ah the glamourous life of a ballerina with a penchant for forensics.

Tori Lennox said...

I'm afraid of dressing up this Halloween. LOL!

I'm also afraid I'm never going to fix my book. =80

Brandy said...

I love Halloween! Its our favorite holiday, though I won't let my husband put out scary decorations because we have a lot of young kids in our neighborhood.
My Daughter is going as the Angel of Death this year and my Son is going to be a Pirate.

MsHellion said...

Halloween is my favorite time of year, hands down. Mostly because I like to dress up as a slutty kindergartner.

And your political candidates are the exact same as my political candidates. I actually got one of those survey calls where they mentioned the baby-eating and the squirrel-screwing, and I was like, "OMG, you actually have that information?"

Leslie Langtry said...

OMG! I love you guys! Happy Halloween!

Suzan Harden said...

Wow, my kid seems so normal now. He let his hair grow out so he could be Anakin Skywalker (Clone Wars version). Couldn't talk him into letting me make him a zombie Jedo for trick or treat.