Friday, March 21, 2008

Spring is in the air...

Spring is officially here! And, as Gemma’s quest to find Mr. Right marches through it’s third month, I’m starting to think the weirdoes that have been hibernating all winter are thawing out and crawling from their caves. And right into the dating world. I would think it’s just me, but my best friend Suze has been getting them lately, too. Not only the wildly inappropriate (I got hit on by a 53 year old man in Arkansas who owns a chicken farm! :O ), but also the dork-o-licious (A guy in suspenders and a sweater vest tried to pick up Suze) and the just plain wrong (married guy twenty years older than me who has an 8 month old baby at home and is looking for a ‘playmate’ because his wife is too busy to pay attention to him. I almost put a contract out on him.).

So, this week, I’ve invited Suze to pick out her favorite spring weirdo and come share with all of you...

Thanks, Gemma. (Hi Killer Fictionistas!)
Okay, so here’s my worst date lately. We’re going to call him The Greek. Why? Because he reminded me of a certain Greek God. Read on, you’ll figure out which one by the end...

First off, I have to admit that I was doing this online dating thing way before Gemma. I’ve been a single, internet savvy gal for the last... ahem… years. And, while I haven’t been actively dating all that time, I’m a bit of an online veteran. So, there’s this guy, The Greek, who has been on this one site forever. I’ve always thought he was kinda cute, but for some reason – timing I guess – we’d never actually met in person. And, while I know for a fact those picture of him aren’t recent because they’ve been on the site ever since I’ve been there, I figured I’d give him a shot. So, I did. I write to him. And, after a few introductory emails, The Greek suggests drinks at a local wine bar. Classy. I’m into it.

I dress to kill. (Seriously, ask Gemma. I looked hawt.) I show up and he’s looked pretty not bad himself. Yeah, definitely about ten years younger than his pictures, but still, pretty well preserved. I’m digging it. We sit and, at his suggestion, order some bubbly. He pays. Niiiice. And we get to talking about ourselves. Well, actually, he talks about himself. Which is okay. I want to get to know the guy, right? So, I listen. Then, at an appropriate point, I interject some info about me. Or, I should say I try to interject it. He cuts me off, and turns the convo back to him. Okay. Fine. I can groove with this, he’s probably just nervous. I let it go. And a few minutes later, try again, telling him some tidbit about my life. No dice. He cuts me off. Again. K, less endearing this time. But, I’m drinking nice champagne, I’m out with a decent looking guy, I’m trying to mellow with it.

Then, he redeems him self a bit. He says “So, tell me, what do you do?”
Right on. He is interested in me! So, I say, “Well, I run my own business doing-”
“Excuse me. I have to go to the restroom.”

Well, I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go.
So, after cutting me off mid-sentence, he gets up from the table.

But, here’s the kicker. Instead of going to the bathrooms, he saunters over to the bar and engages some guy standing there in conversation for a full ten minutes (!) before making his way to the restroom. (He didn’t have to GO that BADLY, now DID he????)

Yeah, by then I’m about done with The Greek. I finish my bubbles (and order one more glass – hey, he’s paying, right?) then down that one as I wait for him to return. Finally, he does. And I quickly end the evening. He tells me he’ll call, that he’d love to see me again. Which, frankly, surprises me as he still knows zero, zip, nada about me at this point. So, we part way with him saying, “I’ll call you!” and me thinking, “I’m changing my number!”

Imagine my surprise when I get an email from him two days later. No, not asking me out for that promised second date. Instead it says he’s sorry, he’s changed his mind. He doesn’t think we have enough common.

My question – how the HELL would he know? He cut me off every time I tried to talk about me! But, on some level, I have to agree, we don’t have enough in common. He’s in love with him... and... well... I’m so not.

Figured out which Greek god he reminded me of yet?
Narcissus, God of having fallen in love with himself
“Narcissus, having come to a pool to quench his thirst, saw his reflection in its smooth surface, and fell in love with it. And since he could not obtain the object of his love, he died of sorrow by the same pool.”

Yikes! Be sure to flag his profile for me, k, Suze?
Me, I’m sure I’ll have a great spring fling story to tell next week as... I’m going speed dating!!! Yep, 10-15 guys in one night, five minutes a piece. Tell me that’s not a fun night. Hey if I’m gonna go on 15 bad dates, they may as well all be at once.

Wish me luck.

~Trigger Happy Halliday


MsHellion said...

Was it bad that I knew WHICH Greek God it was going to be be before the story began? Seriously, when she said "Guess which god..." and I was like, Hey, wasn't that self-absorbed narcissist a god? That sounds like a likely candidate...

Glad to know I wasn't the only one beaten with the Unlucky in Love Wand.

terrio said...

I can soooooooooo relate. Been doing the internet thing off and on for "ahem" years myself. Been out with some doozies. None that have topped the one that took me to play frisbee golf. He was big time into it, had a bag of like 20 different discs for different distances. I will never be drunk enough to find this game enjoyable.

Right now I'm going through the "careful what you wish for" problem. The most recent one I met really likes me. If I made a list of the qualities I'd like to find, he would have nearly all of them. But one. And here's where I look like the most shallow woman in the world.

He's short. I know, this is a silly. But he's really short. Like eye to eye with me and I'm SHORT. And he's smaller than I am. He could be a jockey tomorrow - easy. My ex-H is 6'3" and I went out with a guy last year 6'7". You see how height is sort of an issue for me.

But, I haven't had the nerve to tell him. So I keep talking to him and going out with him in the hopes he'll grow (no pun intended) on me. Wish me luck. LOL!

Christie Craig said...

Too funny guys!

I can tell you, you make me look at my hubby, with all his flaws, and still think...hmmm...I think I'll keep him.

Crime Scene Christie

Gemma Halliday said...

Mshellion - Lol! Yeah, from what I understand, that was the ONLY way he resembled a Greek God. Well, that and in his own mind.


Gemma Halliday said...

On no, Terrio!
I can relate. I recently went out with this guy who was about eye level with me. I’m 5’2”. When I put on heels, I was taller. And you know there’s no way I’m givin up my heels.

But, if he’s really great… well… maybe he will grow on you?


Gemma Halliday said...

Well, of course he's a keeper, Christie. You need him for blog fodder. ;)


terrio said...

Gemma - the heels thing is an issue too. I don't wear them everyday but on a nice occassion when I get dressed up, I can't imagine having my date be three inches shorter than I am.

Maybe Miracle Grow?

And a guy 5'2"? That's pretty bad. I'm only 5'4" and that's short enough.

Anonymous said...

Great post, Suze and Gemma! I can't wait to hear about the speed dating adventure.

Keri Ford said...

I'm thinking the same thing as Christie and thanking my lucky stars I met the hubby in high school. Dear lord if we ever think about divorce we're going to read through all these stories.

What a nightmare. Too bad you don't live anywhere near me. I have a single BIL who is tall I could send you out with.

Tori Lennox said...

You guys really aren't selling me on the whole Internet dating thing. *g*

But i am in the same state as that chicken farmer.... ROFL!

Estella said...

I am so glad I met my husband before the internet was invented.

Gemma Halliday said...

Sold! The chicken farmer's yours, Tori! Lol!

So, there are some interesting people that I've met online, too. A couple guys I dated last year have ended up being really good friends. Romance wasn't in the cards, but not every guy on line dating is a creep. You know, just 90% or so. ;)


Jana DeLeon said...

You know, the dating stories have pretty much scared me off of men altogether - and me newly single. (sigh)

Maybe Kathy will want to try swinging the other way with me - Kathy??????? :)

J.J. Hebert said...

Well, I must have been part of that 10%, Gemma. I met my girl on MySpace. That's right--MySpace! For free. No winks. No nods. No $19.99 per month, rebilling until you decide to cancel.

Let me tell you, Tori Lennox, Internet dating is the way to go!

catslady said...

You know, my husband can really piss me off but just even thinking about being in the dating world again gives me hives lol. I do enjoy your stories though (because they're not me lol).

Tori Lennox said...

Upon further reflection, I think I'll pass on the chicken farmer, thanks all the same. *g*

I'd really rather find somebody who can get me OUT of Arkansas. Of course, right now he'd probably have to have a boat. LOL!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I was away over the weekend and got to chatting with an older man and his wife. They have been married 24 years and it's a second marriage for them both. Because I'm nosy I asked how they met.

Through the personal ads (way before the internet)

If that wasn't sweet enough, they went on to tell me how one of their children met their mate on an online dating service and another through speed dating. So there is hope!!

And in the meantime you get to tell the rest of us a lot of funny stories :)