Anyone who has had kids or been around one very long knows that kids can say the funniest, the most embarrassing and sometimes even the most thought-provoking things. Well, through the years, I’ve written up some of my kids’ “funny things.” Some of them I’ve actually sold to magazines, others I’ve written up to embarrass them. Hey…paybacks can be hell! Enjoy.
Same Thing, Different Word
While having dinner with my new neighbors, my four-year-old son piped up and announced that he had "pooted." Thoroughly embarrassed, I leaned over and whispered that such words were not nice, especially at the dinner table.
He considered it a few minutes and then apologized.
Shortly later he broke into the conversation and announced proudly, "Hey, guys. I just burped in my pants."
Smart, But Not That Smart
Nina, my three-year-old daughter, began learning her letters at a very remarkable age. I must admit to feeling proud when we went to the county fair and stood in front of the soda booth and she started pointing to the Pepsi emblem and naming off the letters. "That's remarkable," a lady replied. "Do you know how to read, too?"
Nina's answer came quick, "Yes." I was too filled with pride to rebuke her claim.
"What does that say?" the lady asked, pointing back to the Pepsi emblem.
Nina smiled and answered with remarkable confidence, "It says, Coke."
All Grown Up…Almost
Much to my surprise, my seven-year-old daughter came home from first grade talking about college. "I can't wait. It sounds so exciting. I can choose the subjects I like. So you know I'll make all A's. I can make my own schedule. Go to the bathroom anytime I want. The teachers won’t treat me like a kid."
She sounded more seventeen than seven and I was quite proud of my grown-up little girl. Then her young brow wrinkled in puzzlement. And she turned to me with real concern in her eyes, "But Mama, will we still get to go out and play at recess?"
One night at dinner, my four-year-old son dropped the last of his pizza on his plate and requested his dessert.
"First you have to finish your dinner," I said.
He glanced down at his pizza crust and innocently replied, "I did. I ate everything but the handle."
He got his dessert.
One day, my son had a friend, eight-year-old Andrew, over to play. My husband and I were taking the boys out for hamburgers when Andrew announced that last weekend he and his family had taken a trip to New Orleans to attend his aunt’s wedding.
Making casual conversation I turned to him and asked, “Was it your mother’s sister or your dad’s sister?”
Little Andrew’s brow crinkled together in thought and then a little embarrassed he admitted, “I’m not really sure.”
It took a few minutes for my husband and I to realize the beautiful significance of his ignorance. You see, Andrew is a bi-racial child, his father African-American and his mother White. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all could be so color blind?
I was driving my six-year-old son to school when he popped out with an unusual question. "Mom, are there more girls in the world than there are boys?"
I turned to glance at him. "Well, as a matter of fact, there are more girls than boys.”
"Then that explains it!" he blurts out as if he'd just found an answer to a long-asked question.”
"Explains what?" I queried.
"Why everywhere I go, I always notice the girls but I never notice the boys."
Too Much Boy
While having dinner with my husband’s boss and his wife, my three-year-old son decided he wanted to add to the conversation. And in his excited little boy voice, he says, “My dad has a big Pee-Pee. And when I grow up, I’m going to have one, too!”
My husband’s boss simply chuckled and said, “And I’m sure your mom is really thrilled.”
Way Too Much Boy
Once, while getting dressed to take my three-year-old son to Mother’s Day Out, my son came into the room. When I turned around, he was staring at me. “You know mom, I kind 'a like looking at you naked.”
And that was the last time he did, too!
Okay…come on, do some sharing. Let me hear some of your kids, grandkids or nieces and nephew’s funny/thought-provoking sayings. I’ll be giving away a few set of note cards to one chosen blogger.
Crime Scene Christie