Abiola Abrams' Scandalosity

Please join me in welcoming the most fabulous Abiola Abrams! Not only is she drop dead gorgeous, but she’s an amazingly talented media personality and, most recently, an author! (Don’t you love her book cover?!)


Hey loves,
Nice meeting you here via Gemma’s blog!

My debut novel is named Dare. Dare is the story of a sociologist who becomes a rapper only to find that she much prefers her new bad girl lifestyle to her own. The book is also chocked with affirmations and fun as Maya sets off on an adventure to find true love and self esteem. In other words, Dare, like Abiola is about love, inspiration & scandalosity.

Unsure of what scandalosity is? Read on…

My best work is done at night. Whether I've been out somewhere partying or not I am usually up writing or yapping on the phone until at least 3AM, so I do not take kindly to being woken up at 6. The phone rang and it was one of my friends telling me to go to my computer. My inbox was exploded with email forwards from gossip sites leaking that a fallen celeb I knew was in a facility. Some press reported it to be a rehab and others reported it to be a looney bin. One wondered if it was prison again. All of them took care to note that she was/ is a hot mess in the Winehouse/ Britney vein. The reason folks were sending this to I was collaborating on an upcoming project with said fallen starlet. I had spoken to her the day before and was actually SUPER proud of her for getting help for her issues so I kinda chose not to respond, except to say, yes I know. This did not satiate my friends who were hungry for the dramatic inside scoop.

The fact is yes, this young woman was a hot damn mess, but on the wrong day, so am I, and truth be told, so are you. And your mama too. ;-D You might not be a Hollywood bad girl that E! or Perez Hilton are talking about, but maybe around the water cooler or the family reunion folks can't keep your scandalosity off their puckered lips.
Don't get me wrong. I am SO not anti-gossip by any stretch of the imagination. I looove a good scandal. It just bothered me at this minute because it was someone that I was concerned about. But I guess that all gossip is about somebody that someone somewhere cares about.

Hmmm….

So… Because I am unwilling to give up my daily fix of gossip and entertainment news, I hereby decree that gossip is ok IF we earn our right to gossip. In other words, if you are not willing to put your own sh*t out there, then back off of anybody else's.
A couple of months ago I was interviewing folks at the premiere of the film Dirty Laundry. Dirty Laundry is about a chic NYC gay African-American dude about town who discovers he has a son and has to go back to his humble hometown. As I watched the hilarious film, I remembered when I shot my documentary Knives in My Throat about a multi-talented, bi-polar young woman dealing with many of the same demons that Britney Spears and my fallen starlet friend are battling. Several black folks including mentors of mine who saw the film disapproved of me airing what they called "dirty laundry." They said that it was a time for airing only positive images of black folks, and that Taqiyya (my doc's subject) and her dramas needed to stay in the closet. I said then as I say now, it's a time for airing real images. For all of us. Open the closets and clean them. Dirty laundry just stinks up the house!
The reason other people's scandals and dramas draw us in is pure entertainment and distraction from our own garbage. It makes us feel temporarily good to look down on someone else because of all of our own insecurities. It's a temp fix like any drug. You might turn away from a train wreck, but if you're human, you're gonna at least peek. I know that I will!

So how do we earn our right to gossip?

Ahaaaa….

Here’s the deal: Abiola Rule #37. Reveal 3 scandalous things about yourself—only if you're willing to air your sh*t can you air somebody else's.
Come on—this is this week’s homework!!!

So (deep breath) here is my personal dirty laundry that I am putting out there just so that I can keep on running my mouth About OPB –Other People's Business. Of course, you can and should TAKE THE HIGH ROAD and give up gossip all together. After all, it always hurts someone. I'm just not that evolved yet.

So here's Abiola's scandalosity.

1. I only had one boyfriend my whole adult life. He was the same person I had a crush on in 6th grade. We started dating when I was in college and then just kept going out. At some point everyone thought that we should be married. So we got married in a lavish ceremony Summer 2004 at a Ritz Carlton in the Islands. It was gorgeous and everyone we loved was there. But then he cheated practically as soon as we returned from our honeymoon, and through my devastation I realized that I probably was in no shape to be married anyway. So we had an annulment quicker than Lindsey Lohan can say DUI. Damn. So now I am learning how to date for the first time in my life. (http://www.philosophersguild.com/index.lasso?page_mode=Product_Detail&item=0128 Hence my new novel DARE about a woman recovering from a broken heart! (http://www.daretogetalife.com)

Wow—YOU STILL WANT MORE?! That was like 3 scandals in one!! OK—lol. Earning my right to gossip.

2. I hate your kids. Maybe hate is too strong a word. Ok. I can't stand your kids. If you know me and ask me, wow Abiola, my kids too? I will lie and say no, not your darlings. I will tell the truth about anything else you ask me – if your jeans are too tight, breath stinks or you talk too much, but I will not admit that your kids are frigging brats that make me wanna rush out and get my tubes tied every time I encounter them!! Save your letters telling me how sweet your lil Missy and Timmy are, because I've seen them at the mall, running everybody ragged! Who I am talking to? YOU! Lol. (Until I have my own screaming brats, then I reserve the right to change my mind!!!)

3. On my site, you can find me at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s In the Flesh erotica event reading the most scandalous scene in Dare. OK—I know that I am wrapping a scandal and shameless self-promotion into one! Um, is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Haahahaaaaha.

Hmmm. That actually felt good.

So—EARN YOUR RIGHT TO GOSSIP—either tell me 3 scandalous things about you or just 3 funny/ weird things. OR LEAVE O.P.B. ALONE! ;-) Where's Chris Crocker when you need him? Go ahead... Share!!!

OR tell me that you're taking the high road…

YOUR 3 SCANDALOUS THINGS ARE?
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Let me know here, and then you can buy Dare on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders or wherever you buy books. Find more love, films, unsolicited advice, dareitude and scandalosity at www.daretogetalife.com or www.abiolaabrams.com .

xo,
abiola