Bullet Hole hits the airwaves. Insert ear plugs now...!

I had an interview yesterday. I've done interviews before. Several of them, in fact. My first one was the result of a call I made to a radio station after I heard the radio personalities discussing my first book, Calamity Jayne. They put me right on the air. It was 5:30 a.m. in the morning and I was half-dressed, my hair wrapped in a towel, my voice still husky from sleep. It was the best I've ever sounded.

I know everyone says they hate the way their voice sounds when recorded. For me there's good reason to feel that way. Whenever I hear my voice played back, I'd swear I'm listening to a cross between Minnie Mouse and Olive Oyl. Truth be told, I do a pretty good impression of both. As well as the Wicked Witch of the West--but that's another story. It's this whole Midwestern nasal twang I've got going. It just doesn't reproduce well.
Still determined to promote my books as best I could, I took my not-ready-for-radio waves show on the road last summer when my second book, Calamity Jayne Rides Again, came out. Set at the Iowa State Fair, I thought, what better way to promote the book than broadcast live via a 50,000 watt blow-torch from the state fairgrounds. The same radio personalities I had my radio debut with invited me on (brave souls) and as I stammered my way through the interview I spotted McGruff the Crime Dog walking outside the radio studio. I found myself lusting after McGruff's deep, gravelly, hoarse voice. The critique of my radio gig began almost immediately.

Them: I heard you on the radio. Too bad about the cold.

Bullet Hole: Cold? What cold?

Them: You didn't have a cold?

Bullet Hole: No. Why? Did I sound like I had a cold?

Them: Nevermind.

Now as if having a voice that made you wish for fingernails against a chalkboard wasn't bad enough, I also tend to come down with a serious case of motor mouth when I'm nervous. My latest radio interview was no exception. I'd take a deep breath and and begin answering the interviewer's question--not stopping to inhale until I was gasping for air. Real cool.

Next came the faux pax. We all make them. I just happen to do it a lot. And at the wrong times. (Sounds a lot like Tressa, doesn't it?) When the interviewer asked where locally my book could be purchased, he touched a bit of a nerve. I live in a small town and the only place to buy a book locally is the local Wally's World. Unfortunately, for some bizarre reason, the only book of mine the store has stocked was my very first. Since then, nada. Zilch. Zero. Regardless of numerous customer requests. So, I think I must have made some snarky remark like "Unfortunately even though I live in this city and the book is set in rural Iowa, my books have not been available here locally." The radio guy shut the recorder off. "I think we better try that again," he suggested. Motor Mouth strikes again. But I get it. Advertising revenue and all that.

I came home after the interview and dropped onto the couch.

"How did the interview go, Mom?" my son asked.

"The radio guy only had to stop and erase me twice," I responded, "so improvement."

"You want me to listen to it when it runs and tell you how you sounded like I did last time?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Thanks, but I like you too much, " I told him.

I came home today to a message from another radio station inquiring about an interview. God help me if a TV station rings me up.

The things we do to sell books...!

Oh, and before I go, even though my local Wally's World didn't get my recent release, I went out last night and there was Jana's book Unlucky. Good for them!

I bought it.

Good for me!

~Bullet Hole~