An Interview with Diane Kelly

Winner!! Rhonda, please send me your email address at christie (at) Christie-craig.com

Thanks...

CC

An Interview with Diane Kelly

Howdy, Killer Fiction readers. Today I have a treat for you. We had a new Killer on board at Killer Fiction. Diane Kelly is a neat person. I met her years ago at my Romance Writers of America meeting. We were having someone come and talk about taxes. Yeah…taxes. I mean, how boring is that? (Can you hear me snore?) But…because I needed some tax advice I pumped myself up with caffeine and went to suffer through a long, tedious talk. Boy, howdy was I surprised. The speaker wasn’t at all boring. She managed to make a talk about taxes interesting and funny as heck on wheels. Yup, Diane is one neat, funny lady. So . . . when I found out she sold her series to St. Martin’s Press and we were sister Saints. (Don’t you just love that? Sister saints? Like I could ever be a real saint!) Well, I kindly and graciously held her up at gunpoint until she agreed to come join our team of killers. And now I’d like to present you with an interview with our newest killer. So get ready to be entertained. Here’s Diane Kelly.

1) "How did you come up with the idea for your series?"

A few years ago, I sat in the back of a crowded, stuffy room on the final day of an excruciating three-day tax seminar. The morning’s speaker had spent hours detailing the minutiae of partnership taxation, and I was fighting desperately to stay awake. Just as I’d decided to give in, hide under the table, and take a snooze, a criminal defense attorney took the podium. He told fascinating war stories of defending tax evaders, naughty people who engaged in fraud, money laundering, and intricate financial scams and who thought – most often wrongfully - that they could outsmart Uncle Sam. I never knew taxes could be so interesting! And when the attorney talked about the savvy special agents at the IRS, I was intrigued. I’d never known these “tax cops” existed!

I subsequently researched IRS special agents and was shocked to find that some had been killed in the line of duty. Their jobs require complex financial know-how combined with law enforcement and weapon skills. Very few people have this unique skill set. I figured a special agent would make a unique, interesting heroine and apparently I was right. My manuscript “Death, Taxes, and a French Manicure,” which stars a female IRS agent, won the Romance Writers of America Golden Heart Award in 2009, and won or placed in over a dozen RWA chapter contests as well. The judges invariably commented on my fun and feisty heroine. I was thrilled when St. Martin’s bought the manuscript and that the concept will be expanded into a series.

C.C.’s comment: See, even she thought any talk of taxes was going to be . . . boooorrring.

2) "I understand that you interviewed several special agents as part of your research for your upcoming series. What were the agents like? And if male, were they hot?"

The special agents I met with were all Type-A personalities – in a good way. Each one of them was extremely intelligent, intensely focused, and, as opposed to the stereotypical nerdy IRS agent image, very attractive and physically fit. Imagine the cast of “Friends,” but with brains and purpose.

C.C.’s comment. Okay, I’m trying really hard to imagine Joey as having brains. Not happening.

3) "There's quite a bit of gun play in your debut novel, and your heroine is an expert marksman. How well can you handle a gun?"

Do water guns count? ‘Cause I’ve taken down three adolescent boys in two seconds flat with a Blastmaster 2000. As far as real guns go, my experience is somewhat limited. I tried to shoot skeet once with a shotgun, but could barely lift the gun high enough not to shoot off my toes. I have the upper body strength of an earthworm. I’ve also shot a few rounds on a .22 rifle and was surprisingly accurate.

C.C.’s comment: Okay, I’m not going to piss you off. I don’t want to be the target that you aim at, especially since I now know you’re surprisingly accurate!

4) "Are you anything like your heroine?"

I suppose it’s impossible for a writer not to put a bit of herself in her heroine. Like Tara, I have an innate sense of justice and would like for the world to be more fair and to see bad guys get their due. Tara and I both have a slightly warped sense of humor and a pragmatic, cut-the-crap attitude. Oh, and we both wear a 32A bra. But perhaps that’s more than anyone needed to know.

C.C.’s comment: Sorry, I’m not telling my bra size, I don’t care if you told me yours or not. To me, that’s right up there with telling someone my weight.

5) "What was the hardest part of writing your book?"

Creating my hero! It’s like building the perfect man from scratch. It sounds great, but where do you start? What traits should he have? What makes a man truly attractive and sexy? It’s much more difficult than it sounds. Plus, he can’t really be totally perfect. Otherwise he wouldn’t be realistic. So making him believable yet lovable and enticing was a challenge.

I had a crush on Aaron Eckhart at the time, so my hero tends to resemble him. And, of course, my hero is successful. At the risk of setting the women’s movement back decades, there’s nothing sexier than a man who knows how to take care of his woman. Not that we can’t take care of ourselves, but it’s nice to know our men have our backs (and vice versa). My hero is classy, but not pretentious. I fell in love with him myself. Good thing he’s fictitious since divorces are so messy and expensive!

Thanks so much for the interview, Diane.

And now what I’d like to hear from you is: how do you feel about taxes? Hey, if you wanna share your bra size, go ahead. And as a thank you for welcoming Diane here today, I’m running a contest. One lucky commenter will receive a copy of Wild, Wicked & Wanton: 101 Ways to Love Like You’re In a Romance Novel.

Couldn't Have Planned It Better Myself

Ever once and a while in life, you hear about something that is simply a thing of beauty. It's like all stars aligned perfectly for something to happen. But rarely do you get to see it yourself. Well, I got to witness one of those things last week driving to work. And best of all, it was a thing of beauty in a negative karma coming back on you way.

So I'm driving to work on the freeway in the left lane. It's two lanes both ways with a full center lane for turning (completely open - no barriers). So I'm about 30 yards behind a huge pickup truck in the right lane and its tire comes completely off the front driver's side. Well, the truck hits the ground and the driver immediately makes for the shoulder. The tire continues at 60mph in the lane in front of me, so I slow down and motion outside my window to the 18-wheeler behind me, hoping he's paying attention. The 18-wheeler flashed his lights that he understood and pulled into the center median, hitting his brakes.

So we're both driving slow, behind the tire, which shows no signs of leaving the highway or stopping, when a guy that was in a car behind the 18-wheeler pulls up behind me and I can see him bitching and cussing. So he swings to the right and looks down the freeway, see the tire, but apparently decides it's a good idea to pass it. So he honks his horn and give me and the 18-wheeler driver the finger and rushed down the freeway.

As he pulls abreast of the tire, the tire decides to make a 180-degree turn right into the front of his car, which sends him off in the ditch - and it had POURED down rain the night before, so mud and water splashed everywhere. He jumps out, arms waving and cussing, and the darn tire just bounces out from under his car and continues back down the freeway. The 18-wheeler guy and I just kept driving. So I look over at the trucker, who is now in the right lane beside me and he's looking down at me just shaking his head and laughing, his face beet red. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. That darn tire rolled at least another fifty yards before hitting the ditch. Then continued in the ditch forever, so neither one of use would pass it. Finally it went off into the corn field and we got to speed up and continue with our day.

So what are the odds? I mean, a million things had to occur to make that all happen. If I could have video-taped it, it would be viral on YouTube! So I figure, aside from giving me the rod, that idiot-tire-passing-guy must have done something to send karma back on him.

Once I could breath properly again without collapsing into laughter and tears, I called my brother and told him about it. He said "you should have stopped so that the idiot who tried to pass the tire can't blame the guy who lost the tire for the wreck, since it could have easily been avoided."

To which I replied "He'd have to prove the tire caused the wreck to begin with, and the tire fled the scene."

Deadly DeLeon

My Week With Baby

Baby is eleven months old now, just starting to walk, and getting into EVERYTHING. Case in point, my week with Baby:

Monday:
Baby digs in trash and finds a used pinto bean can. He cuts his finger on the top of can. Blood everywhere - on him, on me, all over the kitchen floor. I freak, contemplate the emergency room, but instead wrap his tiny finger in three band aids. Baby chews off all three. Blood spurts all over his toys, the living room carpet, and sofa. I rebandage. Baby chews if off. More blood. Older boy suggest putting a cone around his head like a dog. I briefly contemplate this, then bandage the finger again.

Tuesday:
I’m sitting at my computer, writing. I hear in the background “splash, splash, splash”. Uh oh. Where is Baby? He’s splashing in the toilet bowl, of course. I disinfect Baby, put him down to watch TV. He chews off bandage. More blood.

Wednesday:
I’m attempt to write again. Baby, meanwhile, crawls into the kitchen where he knocks over recycling a bin, grabs an empty wine bottle out of it and uses the wine bottle to smash a ballpoint pen on the kitchen floor. The pen shatters, little pieces of plastic and globs of blue ink flying everywhere. I just finish cleaning this up (and relocating the recycle bin outside) when I hear “splash, splash, PLOP” Oh. No. Baby is again at the toilet, this time dropping my cordless mouse into the water. Fab. I disinfect Baby and the mouse, then give a stern lecture to the other members of my family on lowering the lid and shutting the bathroom door when they’re done.

Thursday:
I give up on writing, instead taking Baby to the grocery store where everyone comments on how cute and well behaved his is. (Ha!) We get home, and I put him down on the front lawn while I bring the groceries into the house. He eats a handful of grass. I grab it out of his mouth. He eats an acorn. I grab it out of his mouth. He reaches for a snail, and luckily I get there just before he can sample his first escargot.

I decide to take Baby to my mom's house for a change of scenery. He makes a bee-line for her open dishwasher and takes all her clean silverware out, throwing it on the kitchen floor. While I'm rinsing them off and putting them away again, he wanders into the bathroom. (Where the toilet lid is down. Ha! One step ahead of you, pal!). As soon as I finish with the silverware, I go into the bathroom and find him… "cleaning" the tile floor with Grandma’s toilet brush. Ew. I disinfect him, put the brush up high, and clean the floor.

I take him home, set him in front of “The Wiggles”, and check my email for five minuets. (Just five, I swear!) And then I realized it’s quiet. Too quite. I look over at Baby. He has figured how to take his own diaper off… and has gone number two all over the living room carpet. All I can say is this is one time I’m thankful for the ugly brown color of our renter’s carpet.

I give Baby a bath, wash his clothes, shampoo the rug, then collapse on the sofa.
Where he chews off his bandage and bleeds all over my lap.


Friday:
While I’ve been writing this, Baby has thrown a pen, a rubber ball, and a pair of iPod ear buds into the toilet. As soon as I disinfect them all, I’m driving to Babies R Us and getting toilet seat locks. And more band aids.

And he looks so innocent...

~Trigger Happy Halliday

Writing the Story of Your Life

Recently, as I was judging entries in a writing contest, it dawned on me that the “rules” for creating a compelling fictional story also apply as we create our real life stories.

Rule #1: The story should feature an interesting-but flawed-lead character.
We are the lead characters in the story of our lives. We should strive to be interesting, but accept-even embrace-our flaws. There’s no such thing as perfection, and it’s our flaws that enable others to relate to us. Takes the pressure off, huh? Besides, every flaw has an upside. Case in point: I'm impatient as heck, but because of this impatience I rarely procrastinate.

Rule #2: Don’t complicate the story with too many subplots.
The less important things often try to take over the story of our lives, distracting us from the primary plotlines. We should focus on what’s really important and eliminate any “subplots” that don't bring something of value to our life story. For instance, I ignore the subplots of laundry, dishes, and dusting in favor of writing, playing keeno with friends, and goofing off with the hubby and kids.

Rule #3: Eliminate secondary characters that don’t serve a meaningful purpose.
As hard as it may be, cutting out “characters” who serve no meaningful purpose in the story of our lives will streamline our stories and give us more time to focus on the characters who really matter to us. Of course, for various reasons, it's impossible to eliminate some secondary characters, no matter how much we'd like to. Put those ones in the footnotes.

Rule #4: Lots of conflict makes for a great story.
We shouldn't fear conflict. It’s only when we stand up for what we believe in-and ourselves!-that our life story can really move forward. And, just like our flaws, conflict can have an upside. Sometimes a good kick in the pants can work wonders.

Rule #5: Keep up the pace.
"Scenes" drawn out longer than necessary can bog our life stories down and make them boring. Wrapping up our “scenes” efficiently will keep our stories moving forward at a good pace.

Rule #6: Develop a high-stakes plot.
To make sure our life stories really matter, we'll have to take some big risks along the way. This may mean taking a chance on a new career, moving across country and leaving behind the people and places we've grown up with, or having the courage to chase our dreams no matter how high the odds are stacked against us. No wimps allowed!

I hope that the story of your life will be exciting, compelling, and fulfilling, and that it ends with a happily ever after!

Diane Kelly’s debut novel will be released September 2011 by St. Martin’s Press.

Visit Diane at www.dianeobrienkelly.com

Leslie Langtry's Lovely Lady Lump...

Okay, not exactly what you were looking for. What did you think you'd find?

My wrist has a lump. Or maybe it's a hump...like Igor. Anyway, my doctor is referring me to an orthopedic doctor. X-rays have shown that it is NOT:

• Broken bone. Really? My doctor thought maybe I hadn't noticed that I'd broken my wrist and was actually capable of ignoring the pain that would be involved. Please! I faint when I pluck my eyebrows. (FYI - it takes me a loooooooong time to pluck my eyebrows)

• A ganglion cyst. That's too bad. I was hoping it was (and not just because it's really, really fun to say). I googled ganglion cysts and they look pretty cool. I could put it in a jar and name it Poopsie.

• A tiny human operating the controls that make Leslie Langtry function. Psych! That person lives in my pancreas. Her name is Lola and she speaks Urdu and plays the bassoon. She is particularly fond of vodka.

• My wrist is giving me attitude by thrusting it's, um, hip out provocatively. If that is the case, it will be punished. I already have a 12 yr-old daughter. I don't need to be provoked by my appendages.

So, what is it? No idea. My doc is recommending an MRI. She is flummoxed. That can't be good.

I'm asking for a second opinion. Yours. What do you think, my minions?

The Assassin

Guest Blogger Edie Ramer

Hey…today I’d love to introduce you guys to a fellow writer and friend. (Hey…she’s short like me, I’ve gotta love her!) I’ve already bought my copy of Cattitude (Don’t you love that title) and I can’t wait to read it.

Oh, one other thing. Tomorrow I’m guest blogging at Borders’ True Romance about, thinking like a man, sort of . . . men behaving badly, and I would love it if you could pop over and leave a comment. I’m giving away two books.

Thanks CC

Desperately yearning for a romantic comedy

A big thank you to the fabulous Christie Craig for having me as her guest today. I love books and movies, and lately I’ve been reading a lot of great books but not seeing a lot of great movies. Especially movies my husband and I can both enjoy. What happened to smart and funny and sometimes touching romantic comedies? To name a few: When Harry Met Sally (best ever!), Jerry Maguire, Two Weeks Notice, Dave, The American President, Ms. Congeniality, Bull Durham, Something’s Gotta Give, Legally Blonde, Letters to Julia.

I could name more, but for the most part I’m seeing a lot of dumb guy movies in which a man who isn’t likely to be confused with Brad Pitt or Stephen Hawking ends up with a smart and gorgeous woman. I’ve read that most movies are made to appeal to the male viewers because a woman will go with their man to see a movie and not vice-versa.

Does that mean movies have to be bad to be funny? My husband doesn’t agree. He’d rather watch an NCIS rerun than a Will Ferrell comedy. He wouldn’t see the Sex and the City movie with me, either. But all those romantic comedies I listed in the first paragraph? He likes them. A lot.

We own videos or DVDs of Dave, Two Weeks Notice, Miss Congeniality and a few others. My office is upstairs, and a couple times this last year when I came downstairs he was watching a video of Love Actually. That’s the kind of movie that you can watch again and again and still see something new. It’s funny and poignant with great writing, characters, and acting.

There aren’t enough movies like that. These last two weekends, I wanted to see a show, but there wasn’t anything out we thought would be good. I yearn for a great romantic comedy, but the industry isn’t putting enough out.

I have suggestions for movie makers. Read Christie Craig books! They’re funny, with a terrific plot, a great heroine and hero, a mystery, and a romance. Perfect for movies. And read Jennifer Crusie books! More movie perfection. I see on Gemma Halliday’s September 3^rd blog that she published Viva Las Vegas as a digital book. She says it’s a cross between Sex and the City and Eat, Pray, Love. Some smart producer should snap that up!

Or they could snap up my e-book, Cattitude, about a cat that changes bodies with a woman and thinks anything a human can do, a cat can do better.

In all these books, neither the hero nor the heroine is portrayed as stupid, even if they sometimes do stupid things. That’s something the dumbed down movies don’t get.

What books do you think would be great movies?

Edie Ramer

http://edieramer.com

http://twitter.com/edieramer

Facebook:http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747112424

Fine final thing: Edie is giving away one free download to a lucky commenter, so make sure you leave a comment!

The Joy of Learning

Spent Sunday doing edits on my first official Harlequin Intrigue. The edits weren't bad at all, but they do everything by HAND. Have you seen my handwriting? Even "I" can't read my handwriting. So it was a complicated mess of writing "see attached" then attaching printed pages of the document with the changes highlighted, etc. And of course, since I'm an accountant it all had to be coordinated and individually paperclipped, so my editor will either love me or want to have me psychologically tested. But she was happy with the book, and the edits were very minor, so all is well.

Lately, I've been working on a new project - a website for writers. I am on different writing forums and get asked a lot of questions about fiction writing, the publishing industry and most of all, taxes. So I decided it would be easier to have a website where I could make that information available and just send people there by link. Of course, it's not full of information yet - that will happen over time, but the first step was building the darn site.

Yes, I decided I needed to learn how to build websites. I searched around and finally decided on WordPress for a platform. Mainly because you can update it from anywhere and if I screw something up, I can probably high any 10-year old to fix it for me. So I searched and found good html code-building software and all was good. Well, except for the banner part. I didn't want a stock banner that 42,000 other people were using. I wanted something custom. But the problem is, I am NO artist.

So I decided to purchase some graphics and go about creating my own banner using Photoshop. Now, I want to preface this by saying that I am not sure if I have a mental block on the Photoshop software or if it's just that hard to use, but it just about killed me! It's simply NOT intuitive. Mind you, my full-time job is documenting software and I've literally done hundreds of software conversions, but Photoshop is an entirely different animal. I needed to figure out how to cut one piece of a graphic away from the others, then make it transparent, then add it to the banner and change colors. No problem, right? HA! I swear, I would get something to work and then have no idea how I made it happen.

I started working last Saturday at 6 A.M. and finally got it finished at 8 P.M. Then I increased the third-quarter stock at Coors and went to bed exhausted. But finally, but Monday, I launched my official site for writers. Check it out and if you have a question you'd like to see answered, please post it.

Louisiana Liar

Have a great week, all!

Deadly DeLeon