What To Expect...

Right after I let her in on some good news the other day (which I'll share on the blog ASAP, as soon as it's 100% official), my friend Ann said something like "I'd be peeing myself if I were you! And not because of weak pelvic floor muscles, either."

OK, that made me laugh. Thankfully I didn't leak any pee, even though I do have those weak pelvic floor muscles she was talking about. And it's a good thing I didn't because it would have made my diaper rash even worse.

Say whaaaaat?

Yup. I'm in my mid-30s, and I currently have diaper rash. My internal furnace combined with rapidly increasing thighs causes friction in the worst possible places. And the only thing helping is actually slathering myself up with the super-high zinc ointment diaper cream that I keep in my toddler's nursery.

Ah, yes, the beauty bonuses of pregnancy just keep on coming...

(Yes, this is an overshare. Deal with it.)

It's supposed to get to something ridiculous like 105 here today in DC. Now, when I used to live in Arizona, 105 was nothing. 105 was the weather we'd get in October. But 105 in Arizona is NOTHING like 105 in DC, I promise you. It's not just a cliche when they say "But it's a dry heat!" about the desert.

In 105 degrees in Arizona, you step outside and it feels like 10 hair dryers pointed at you. A blast of hot air, but you can take it for the short walk from your air conditioned house to your air conditioned car to your air conditioned office. It may be slightly uncomfortable as you reach for your bottle of water to quench your thirst, but it's entirely possible not to even break a sweat.

In DC, well, first of all, you're probably not taking your air conditioned car to work since parking costs like a gazillion dollars and traffic is so bad, so you get to suffer the long walk from your air conditioned house to the Metro station, then enjoy the stop-and-go trip packed in like those business men in those Japanese pod hotels with hundreds of other commuters (not to mention the crazy tourists with the SUV-sized strollers in the middle of rush hour -- come on, people! You're on vacay, sleep in!), only to melt when you get back out for the walk from the station to your air conditioned office.

In DC, 105 degrees feels more like you're drowning in a swamp. Which isn't really so far from the truth, considering as the nation's capitol actually was built on a swamp back in the day. But seriously, the humidity is so bad that the second you step outside, you feel like the Wicked Witch of the West when Dorothy pours water on her. (Which, incidentally, I've never quite understood...why does water cause her to melt? But I digress...)

With the ridiculous heat today, it would be the perfect time to just go nekkid, but unfortunately I have that thing called a day job to go to, and I don't think that would be very appropriate. So a sleeveless dress and diaper cream it is.


Hmmm...maybe it's time for me to get back to writing that cozy mystery about an 8-month pregnant sleuth that I was working on a few months ago. I definitely have some new funny moments in mind for her.

I get my body back in 4 months...but who's counting?

~ "Baby Face" Brice