Return to Prom Night...

It’s that time of year again. Prom time. And all that comes with it. Last year my son opted not to attend, but made a pact with his gal pal that this year, as seniors, they would go. I’m no prom virgin. I’d been through this last year with the two girls. But whereas girls approach prom with serious appearance anxiety issues and over-the-top angst, boys have a totally laid back attitude about this big night. So much so that my son put off getting his tux until this week--and the prom is two Saturdays from now. Nothing like planning ahead.

“So, did you order the flowers?” I asked when my son came home from finally ordering his tux.

“Flowers?” he asked and I nodded.

“You know. Her corsage. Your boutonniere.”

“She doesn’t want flowers,” he said and I frowned.

“No flowers?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“How about a wrist corsage?” I suggested and it was his turn to make a face.

“Too eighties,” he said and I raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, you weren’t here in the eighties,” I reminded him. “How do you know?”

“Sheri mentioned it.” (Gal pal’s mom)

“I see,” I said. “Did she also mention you’ll look like a total cheapskate if you don’t spring for flowers?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“Less is more,” he said.

Right.

“What about the dancing?” I asked, expressing my concern about his readiness to trip the light fantastic. You see, we’re a little--challenged--in the ballroom dance department in my family. It’s safe to say none of us will ever receive an invite to Dancing with the Stars. Unless we’re folding chairs up and sweeping the floors after everyone goes home. "You ready for a few pointers in dance department?” I asked him and my son gave me a ‘get real’ look. “I got some pretty swift moves,” I added.

He suddenly looked like Jamie Lee Curtis in the original Prom Night.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said, performing some of my best moves across the living room floor—or what had passed as my best moves, say, twenty years ago. “So what you do think?” I asked, somewhat breathless from my exertions.

“I think you look like you just broke a hip and are attempting to walk anyway,” he said.

Gak. Nice visual.

“I’ll have you know that a physical therapist I went to once told me I had a dancer’s legs,” I informed him.

“Well, you better give ‘em back,” number two son said.

“In a past life I could have been a dancer,” I told him.

“Yeah. Dancer as in a deer-like animal with two left feet,” the smart mouth responded.

I took hold of his shirt.

“I don’t think you quite understand the gravity of the situation,” I said. “How one unrestrained moment, one lapse by an overly zealous mother can spoil what is meant to be a magical moment for all eternity,” I explained. “And turn your prom night into---well, Prom Night,” I pointed out.

He gave me an uneasy look.

“Maybe I could use a dance lesson or two,” he conceded and I smiled.

“That’s my boy,” I said. “Now about those flowers,” I tried and he cut me off.

“Don’t push your luck, Mom,” he said.

Who? Me?

So, any of you have prom night memories or horror stories to tell? What do you remember most about yours or a family member’s prom experience? What would you most like to forget?

~Bullet Hole Bacus~

Sweet Mystery of Life, At Last I Found You!

Look at me in my sweet ride!

Okay, I'm dreaming. I don't have 60K to buy this #$*!*# GORGEOUS corvette, but a girl can dream. . .right? After all - it's a two-seater and I have kids so they wouldn't be able to ride with me. Wait, maybe that's not an arguement against getting the corvette. . . ("Oops! Sorry kids! You can't go with me! No room for you!")

So, yesterday one of the local car dealer's had me for lunch for their book club discussion of my book, GUNS WILL KEEP US TOGETHER. It's a mix of people from the various departments of the dearlership and one guy from the service department named Dick. He loves my books and doesn't mind the crap the other mechanics give him for reading romance. I think he may be my favorite fan.

Anyway, I love meeting with this group because 1) they buy me lunch - and if there's anything I've learned in my 40 years - it's that free food tastes better, and (maybe even more importantly) 2) they love my books.

My friend Laura is a member of the group and they do of my books, sandwhiched in between heavier fare like The Kite Runner and I'm sure Macbeth. They always have fun questions for me and one of the women, Jeanine, even told me she read GUNS three times in a row. Damn. I should have a prize for stuff like that.

Dick told me he loved my references to Doc Savage and the squibs from Mystery Men and Monty Python. Sigh. Isn't he adorable? And when I told them Laura was going to take my picture in the orange corvette when we were done, Dick said, "Hell, let's take her down to the service bay and put her in a Porsche." I really, really like fans like that.

The meeting ended with me in the Corvette. I have a thing for orange and there's something about muscle cars. I always ask myself, "Would Steve McQueen drive it?" After all, I have to have my standards. Let's not forget that the car goes beautifully with my orange Cole Haan handbag and orange enV phone! Accessories are sooooo important.

Well, if people like Dick and Jeanine keep reading my books, maybe someday I'll be able to afford it. Hopefully, in that advanced age (whatever that may be) I'll still look fabulous in it.

Isn't delusion great?

The Assassin

Moustaches

Hey...guys, breaking news. Dorchester has posted their Mr. Romance 2008 contest. You have to check this out. Some of them even have facial hair. Oh yeah, I'm thinking good tickles here!

How do you ladies feel about moustaches? No, I’m not talking about on us! That is another subject for a whole new day. I’m talking about on our men.

Do you like ‘em? Love ‘em? Detest ‘em? Do you find them . . . kissable?

Personally, I mean . . . they kind of tickle, and I guess a tickle could be good, or bad, depending on the individual’s feelings on certain types of tickles.

Now I’ll admit, I’ve seen some hot guys with moustaches. I’m thinking Tom Selleck in his younger days. Moustaches that could lead to a kiss-me-now mood and possibly end with very good tickle. Ahh, but I’ve seen other mustaches that look as if someone could hide a small child under all that hair. Moustaches that could lead to a keep-that-thing-away-from-me mood and end with a very bad tickle.

Just out of curiosity, I did a quick Google search on moustaches and found that there was a lot I didn’t know about this hairy little subject.


For example, we have the standard Handlebar moustaches, not to be confused with Walrus moustaches, or the Fu Manchu Moustaches, (Now does that not sound like someone is hiding dinner under their hairy lip?) and then there’s the interesting one called, “Friendly Muttonchops.” I’m really not kidding!

Oh, but I’m just getting started, because I nearly choked on my coffee when I read about the “Pornstache.” Then there’s the “El Bigota.” Is it me, or do those two not sound as if they’re one in the same? I know you think I’m making this crap up, but nope and just to prove it: Pornstache


Now, you might be wondering what brought up this whole subject. I’m very relieved to tell you that it is NOT because hubby is thinking about growing his own Pornstache. Because he really doesn’t have what it takes. (I’m talking facial hair, guys! But you do know my hubby is going to kill me for this one, don’t you?)

Nope, hubby’s not thinking about a moustache. You see, Faye Hughes and I got the cover for our book, The Everything Guide To Writing a Romance Novel, a September 08 release. And much to our surprise, we discovered that Fabio was on the cover and he had grown a moustache.


Okay . . . we may be stretching it just a bit by calling our cover model, Fabio. But, you gotta admit, the similarities are there. Look at the nose. The long flowing hair. The puffy shirt with the lack of buttons. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Fabio wear a shirt with buttons, have you? (Not that I’m complaining!) And finally the . . . the big sword.

Anyway, after careful consideration, we decided he must be Fabio’s long lost cousin – the cousin who didn’t quite have what it took to do the whole modeling career.


So . . . what are your thoughts on moustaches? Kissable, not kissable? Do you know anyone with a Pornstache?

Oh, and if you’d like to learn more about the book and some of our workshops check out our website.


Crime Scene Christie

Conference Rules

Good morning, all!!!!! Hope everyone had a great weekend, because I sure did. This weekend was the Dreaming in Dallas conference sponsered by DARA, so you know what that means - lots of writers talking about writing, girl's weekend at my house, shopping, eating, drinking = fun!

Every time I attend a conference I see people make common mistakes. And I keep thinking people will learn but apparently some are operating with a very long bell curve. So I'm going to talk about a few simple things that you should avoid doing at conference in order to have the best experience possible.

1. Don't wear uncomfortable shoes. This is especially important at National conference as you do a lot of walking. No one is going to remember your Jimmy Choos with the five-inch heel, but EVERYONE will remember if you bust your butt in the lobby.

2. Don't butt in on what is so obviously a private conversation. Let me describe a private conversation for anyone that is unclear - if two people are sitting alone, leaned in toward each other and their voices are low - IT IS PROBABLY A PRIVATE CONVERSATION! If your goal is to meet an editor or agent and you interrupt a private conversation with one of their writers or clients you are likely to be remembered but not for a positive reason.

3. Do not talk about people unless you are in your hotel room or driving away in your car. Can't tell you how many times someone has been bad-mouthing another author and their mother/sister/critique partner/friend/editor/agent/one-night stand was sitting/standing within hearing distance. In this world there will always be people we don't like, but they should rarely be aware of that.

4. Do not get drunk. Definitely, if you're a drinker, have a few drinks. Heck, at a writer's conference you're probably going to stick out like a sore thumb if you DON'T drink, but please, please know your limits and don't get anywhere near them. Drinkers tend to talk too much (see rule 3) and do things they might not do sober. This rule brings to mind a certain well-known agent who at National conference one year got wasted in the bar and grabbed a strangers boobs - both hands, full cup. She might make million dollar deals on a regular basis, but I'm always going to remember her for feeling up a stranger in public.

5. Okay, this next one is a delicate subject and probably not a nice one for polite company, but who am I to be polite, right? So, rule 5 - do not let bodily functions "fly" in public. If you are going to run the risk of a certain function, please remember the "3 Will-It Rules."

One: Will it make a sound?
Two: Will it smell?
Three: Will it be traced back to me?

This, like rule 4 is something you definitely do NOT want to be remembered for. And since I still remember Rodney Lucas letting one fly while dismounting the parallel bars in seventh grade gym, I'm guessing this one will stick a long time with people.

That's all for now, but if my fellow killer writers and blog readers would like to chime in with other do/don't(s), the conference newbie might appreciate the advice!

Deadly DeLeon

Check Out My Pores, I Mean My Video

Have you seen your pores lately or checked for any new wrinkles around the eyes? Well, let me give you a piece of advice . . . Don’t check. Don’t look. Do you think it’s a coincidence that we get near-sighted about the same time things start . . . going south? And let me add this while I’m on a roll, zoom lens should be outlawed!

I guess I should explain my newest rant. You see, a while back, my hubby spotted a request in the Houston Chronicle that said they were looking for people who were passionate/dedicated about something in their life. That’ when he got this grand idea.

Now, I’m sure you recall how most of his ideas go. But I’ll admit, this one is not as bad as the spot removal, the Burger-King stop while I was in labor, or his plumbing disasters. This one is . . . well, it has some good points. But the bad points are funnier, so I’m going to blog about them in this special Sunday edition.

After hubby spotted the article, he sent out an email about my struggle to get published while dealing with dyslexia. One thing led to another and suddenly I had a film crew at my house.

Now, let me tell you, I quickly set some ground rules. Above the waist shooting only. (Hey, I still need to lose thirty pounds!)

However, now that I’ve seen the video, I’m not so sure my rule was the best thing. As of this morning, I’ve contacted my Mary Kay specialist and asked about their newest wrinkle and pore cream.

My agent saw the piece and thank gawd she didn’t mention my need for new night cream, but she did say, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so serious.”

I told her and I’ll tell you. I didn’t change a thing about my personality for the video shoot, so I guess all my bathroom and inappropriate humor just landed on the cutting room floor. I mean, did you notice I followed the video about the nun? What choice did they really have?

Now, all joking aside, I think the video is great. Here’s the link: Christie’s Video. It’s about a subject I’m passionate about, too. And I don’t mean just dealing with dyslexia; I’m talking about overcoming the hurdles in our lives. We all have things that stop us from achieving our dreams. (Now, I’m so passionate about how each of us can Make It Happen in our lives, with the “it” being our dreams, that I’m doing an online workshop about it in September. I’ll talk more about that later, but until then you can check out: Make It Happen.)

So, for just a little bit, let the serious Christie come out and remind you that no matter what hurdles come between you and your goals, don’t ever give up, don’t’ ever stop chasing your dreams.

And if I find that miracle pore-reducer/wrinkle minimizing cream, I’ll share it with you.

Crime Scene Christie

Author Shelli Stevens

I am so excited to have one of my good friends AND favorite authors, Shelli Stevens come chat with us today. Not only is she too cool for school, her new book Tempting Adam comes out from Samhain Publishing on Tuesday. If you like her post, you’ll LOVE her books. Trust me, she’s fab. So, take it away, Shelli…




I love romance novels, don’t get me wrong. I do. I read them. I write them. I use them as a coaster for my iced Americano. They’re just fabulous all around and I’ll never abandon them.

But over the past few years, I’ve begun to wonder about one tiny little possibility. By reading them, have I set the bar a little too high for finding my own Mr. Right? Umm, gonna have to say a big fat HECK YEAH on that one.

Way back when I would get asked out by a perfectly acceptable guy, only to turn him down because I was waiting to become the Greek tycoon's virgin mistress. And then after awhile the virgin part became like a virgin, to let’s not even pretend. Not to mention there wasn’t a Greek tycoon in sight.

So I flung myself into the dating scene. I rarely got the weak knees, men didn’t usually give hard punishing kisses that I read about, and they sure as heck didn’t call when they said they would. So I’d move onto the next guy. If he didn’t look and act like the hero in a romance novel, I wanted no part of it, er, nothing long term. He became Mr. Right now.

When I wound up pregnant with one man who’d swindled my heart a bit, I just knew how it would end, because this premise was all too popular in the books I read! I could either:

A. Run away because I was too afraid to tell him, have our love child and raise him/her alone, and wait for my lover to find me years later to declare his love.

B. Tell him I was pregnant and he’d declare it was the best thing ever and of course we’d get married and live happily ever after.

I figured B was less dramatic. Well five years and another single mom later, I’ve learned my lesson and expanded my reading selections. Now, yes, I am making light of this a bit because really, I’m not that naïve, but I do think the constant romance novel reading shaped the way I looked at love and relationships. It still does to be honest.

And now I’m thinking about dating again. I’m into my early thirties and so blatantly single, that even my single friends don’t know what to do with me. I haven’t been on a date since before Britney Spears’ uterus became the new hang out and I’m determined to change that. And I take complete inspiration from Gemma. I see her posts on dating Pirates and speed dating, and I think she’s just too cool.

This time in the dating round, though, I’m going to be a little more realistic (hmm, you think?), because if there are men out there who could be the hero in a romance novel, they’re already married. Or in the witness protection program or something, but I can’t find them!

So indulge me now, if you would. If you’ve found the love of your life, what made you fall for him? Were you looking for that romance novel hero? That romance novel love?

And if you’re single, where do you go to meet men!? I’m going to need some help here.


~ Shelli Stevens
www.shellistevens.com

The Fashion Police Have Arrived

Now, personally I think Christie’s brand of cute hats and light jackets is totally stylish. And I’ve never seen Jana show up looking anything less than perfectly put together. But, from the posts and comments this week, I got the impression some of you were crying out for some fashion tips. Well… ask and ye shall receive. ;)

Okay, here are 5 of the top fashion rules that I live by:

1. The element of surprise.
If you watch any sort of fashion shows, you’ll notice that designers always throw at least one really off the wall outfit into their collection in order to surprise and shock their audience. While I certainly don’t walk around wearing pants made of tin foil or feathered headdresses, I do try to apply the same basic idea to my everyday wardrobe. A little note of the unexpected makes any outfit more interesting. One of my favorite weekend outfits this year is jeans and a black long-sleeve T-shirt. Pretty basic, right? So, I fold the cuffs of the jeans up in a sort of retro fifties style and wear it with a pair of shiny, fire engine red, patent leather Mary Jane heels. Just a little twist. Another look I did this winter was army green cargos, white sweater, pink jacket. Pretty standard stuff. But, I funked it up a little with this really inexpensive light, white shawl I found, knotting it around my neck like a loose scarf. Warm and fun! If you can find one element or accessory that is a little different or unexpected, it really helps to take the outfit up a notch.

2. Casual is cool.
This is a neat little trick. With any outfit I wear, I always make sure there is one element that’s just a little too causal for all the rest. It gives the outfit that air of non-fussiness and “What, this old thing? I just threw it on.” A fitted jacket, blouse, high heels, gold jewelry, but worn with faded jeans. A nice sweater and slacks over a pair of converse sneakers. Pinstriped skirt, heels, cropped jacket over a plain white T-shirt. Dressing just one element down gives the outfit a little more comfortable feel to it. Which brings me to…

3. Comfort is key.
If you’re not comfortable in your clothes, you will not look good. Period. It doesn’t matter how cute it looked on the rack, you’ve got to love wearing it. Myself, I am not a big fan of the business look. Never have been. Even when I worked in an office, I hated wearing the dreaded lady suit. So, I found ways around it that fit my style better. Springy dresses, slacks and sweaters, skirts and cute tops. Even though some of my female colleagues looked totally high powered hot in the suits, it wasn’t ‘me’. So, I think you really have to make sure you feel comfortable in any outfit, regardless of how in or trendy the look is. If you feel silly, you will look silly.

4. Fit your body.
This is one that’s always tough for me – fitting the body I have and not the one I wish I had. There are so many cute styles out there, but not every one will work for every body type. Like Jana pointed out - baby doll tops and big boobs are not a good combo. One problem I have is that, being 5’2”, I have these short legs that make me completely jealous of girls like Kathy and Jana. So, I have a really tough time finding dresses and skirts that a) fit me at the right length and b) don’t make me look like someone chopped off half my leg. So, one thing I do is wear dark, opaque leggings under dresses. In addition to being slimming, the dark color gives the illusion of length, especially if I make sure the leggings end a few inches above my ankle and pair them with some high heels. My favorite cocktail outfit is this very light, clingy, silk, champagne dress over black, lace edged leggings and black heels. Different than your average little black dress, and it works for my shape. So, try to work with the body type you have instead of trying to fit your body into styles that don’t flatter you.

Okay, one last tip. And, I’ll warn you, this one is totally specific, not for the feint of heart and deals with a personal fashion pet peeve of mine…

5. Denim Jeans.
A great pair of jeans can make your outfit. The wrong pair can ruin it. Here’s the harsh truth about jeans: Skinny jeans do not look good on anyone over the age of twelve. Unless you’re Kate Moss, they will not flatter your body type. Yes, they look adorable on middles schoolers, but if you have any sort of hips, they will look HUGE in skinny jeans. Trust me the name is deceptive. Skinny jeans never made anyone look skinnier. Do not wear tapered leg jeans. Ever. Please, I beg of you. If the jeans taper at the end, it accentuates where they started… your hips. Unless pear is the shape you’re going for, skip them. And beware of the so called ‘straight leg’ jeans. If you really are built straight from waist to ankle, they may look good on you. But, if you have hips and a waist, they will not look straight once they are on. They will cling to the hips, pooch out at the waist, and generally give you that same tapered look at the ankles. The most universally flattering style I’ve found is the boot cut. The slight flare at the end helps to balance out the slight natural flare of a woman’s hips, yet they’re generally slim enough through the leg to not add layers of bulky fabric like a loose fit or carpenter’s fit would. But, make sure they are the right length – too short and you lose the flare, too long and you’ve got that gangly bare ankle look going on. I usually try to buy mine so that the hem skims the floor. And be very careful about the rise! Low rise jeans will make you have plumbers butt, plain and simple. Unless you just got a tramp stamp tattoo on your lower back that you’re dying to show off, stay away from the low rise. Conversely, if the waist of your jeans hits anywhere north of your belly button, you are in danger of looking like you should be shuffling to the early bird senior’s special. Try to find something in between, a waistband that tucks in slightly from the hip line, especially for those of us with that hourglass figure.

Okay, that’s my top five. Anyone else have some fun tips they want to share? Questions for Sergeant Gemma of the fashion police?

~Trigger Happy Halliday